What is the criteria for being a metal band? Speed, sound, name, song titles, amps, drums(ers), logo, vocals or just just being in a band that is loud and noise or just non commercial?

chick keyboard player

chugga chuggas

white belts

1.) Pick up great metal CDs from bands like Whitechapel and Born of Osiris

2.) Rep said bands all the time to up your metalness

3.) 50 Gauge earings. You need these. Pretty much mandatory

4.) Find other musicians and start jamming

5.) Write long drawn out breakdowns and encourage everyone to start "dancing"




Congratulations you are now metal.

windmills

fast and/or heavy

cool sideswipe haircuts

Crying on the internet as much as you can.

and wear wide-brim hates like:




This is almost as metal as sideswipe haircuts

A denim jacket with the sleeves cut off, covered in patches of as many bands as you can think of, especially obscure bands no one's ever heard of - make sure to have one large patch on the back. If you can't find a patch, draw the band's logo yourself with markers. Put metal studs and spikes wherever there is denim showing through. Hang out with other metal fans who all wear a jacket that looks just like yours and talk with them about how non-conformist you all are and how "metal" you all look.
Talk about how you are all "true metalheads" and accuse other metal fans of "name dropping" and being fashion/scene whores.

yeah youre so right ryan, all i ever do is talk about non-conformity and constantly discuss my appearance with my peers! im so obsessed with both of those things! you got me down to a science!

Don't forget to say "fuckin-A, dude" a lot. Just a suggestion.

do nothing original, belong to myspace, put a flyer for your show on myspace and call it promotion, expect every person alive to worship your band and if they don't placate you call them faggots, rinse and repeat.

Just start playing music. The internet will let you know if you're metal or not.

your not metal, till your in my phonebook.

I'm in ur phonebook, playin virtuosos on ur contacts.

chain wallets

Flaky pill-popping saboteur for a drummer.

a registred rttp user

you're a metal band if you use blues-derived riffs and push the guitars over the edge. whether or not your metal has nothing to do with the band being good.

This will not be a satisfying answer:

1. Sincerity
2. Faustian spirit
3. Not protest music

[Feb 20,2009 9:28am - goatcatalyst]
Flaky pill-popping saboteur for a drummer.

Me? Can't be, i don't pop pills....anymore....
________________________

Or run around holding 19th-century-anarchist-style bombs.

Metal = music based on aggression. agree with me or not, it makes sense - metal is music that is pushed to extremes in order to showcase masculinity and virtuosic displays of musicianship. the standard of screamed vocals only further adds to the aggressive atmosphere.

I agree to a point and I know that each band may have that in them, but to ones own!

must like voivod

qft

must look like an ugly girl

play in drop tunings, like drop g or whatever. only use one finger for powerchords. put your top lip as close to your nose as possible and bob back and forth like a retard waiting for the bus while you play that "sick slam paaaht kehd"