Forum.RttP{The annual "AM I GAY" examination}

THE ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION
>>
>>
>>
>> GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF-EXAMINATION
>>
>>
>>
>> 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are
>> gay. It
>> means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have
>> spent the
>> rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah
>> diet.
>>
>>
>>
>> 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog,
>> but
>> gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a
>> delicate
>> touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just
>> think
>> about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass
>> over
>> here, Killer! "Now think about how you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come
to
>> Daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
>>
>>
>>
>> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
>> nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks
>> on
>> bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs
>> feet,
>> female erogenous zones or tits. Anything else and you are in
training
>> to
>> suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
>>
>>
>>
>> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
>> parking
>> lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his
>> bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
>>
>>
>>
>> 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard
one
>> in the
>> poop chute. Coffee is to be hard, strong, black, and full aroma. A
>> straight
>> man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and
>> he will
>> never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've
had
>> NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
>>
>>
>>
>> 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types
>> of
>> dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A
>> real
>> man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
>> crap as
>> well as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL,
>> NHL,
>> college ball, PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you
>> know
>> what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
>> textile
>> other than denim, you are faggadocious.
>>
>>
>>
>> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
dying
>> to
>> tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk
>> at a
>> slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he
>>
>> needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold
>> his beer,
>> or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
>>
>>
>>
>> 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous
le
>> Gay,
>> oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a
>> woman
>> who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by
>> yourself
>> or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual
>> combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too
>> much.