How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.


How can you tell your sister has her period?
Your dads dick tastes like blood.


What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
Cowboy hats are for ass holes.


What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A bloody waste of fucking time.


Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.


What’s the ultimate rejection? When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.


What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.

What has two legs & bleeds?..
half a dog

Why is everyone of these on 2 lines?

suspense

What are two things in the air that can get a woman pregnant?
Her legs.

How many Kennedys does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows, they don't last as long as light bulbs.

What do gynecologists and pizza delivery guys have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can't eat it.

Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spit, swallow, and gargle.

How do you make a girl scream during sex?
Call her up and tell her.

What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
You know your dad's a jackoff.

Apparently Goatrider missed this post.

These are just jokes. Not one liners.

This is a one liner: 'I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.'

2 sentences VS. "One-liners":

THIS IS CLEARLY A DELICATE ISSUE THAT REQUIRES THE UTMOST ATTENTION TO DETAIL.

Intel clearly shows this was fagget cartoon and proving to be a fagget troll on this board.

Hey, the oversized clam shell is a tough instrument to master.

1. Are you talking about the oversized clam between your legs?

2. There is a keyboard in that clam.

Pearls come from clams. Not keyboards. Pearls.

So......are you saying you are having pearls drip out of your clam?

Things can get pretty weird in this weather, good sir.

If Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne were both drowning and you only had enough time to save one of them, what kind of sandwich would you make?