Forum.RttP{Hellride Music's Metal Predictions for 2012}

Cool board. This is very funny.

Black Sabbath release a career-defining masterpiece, and the last 36 years seem unimportant.

Kiss announce their "Last Ever Tour, Honest" 24-episode reality TV show and corresponding world tour. Tickets for the last ever, televised concert sell out in 3 minutes despite the $400 asking price. Gene Simmons announces 3 more shows.

Ritchie Blackmore reforms Rainbow with Jorn Lande and members of Opeth. "I've been waiting aeons to do this", he says.

Ian Gillan fires everyone in Deep Purple and replaces them with members of a DP tribute band. Steve Morse forms the Purple Dregs and performs DP classics as instrumentals.

Dave Mustaine collaborates with Lou Reed on a musical for Broadway. Loosely based around Dave's own life experiences, it's titled "Whiny freckled kid", and stars 12 monkeys.

Tom Araya leaves Slayer to join Stryper. Glenn Benton contacts Kerry King "with a view to joining". Kerry King gets a restraining order against Mr.Benton.

Iron Maiden announce another world tour, where they will perform their new album in its entirety. Tickets for the whole show are $5, tickets for the encores $80.

Glenn Tipton leaves Judas Priest, and is replaced by Karl Simon.

Saint Vitus release "Lillie: F-65". An alternative, unmixed version with Scott Reagers on vocals surfaces on bittorent and filesharing websites. Subsequent threads on doom metal forums cause their servers to crash.

Trouble release "The Dark Riff". On the day of its release, grown men in worn "Psalm 9" T-shirts are seen sobbing in the streets. Three dates into the tour, Kory Clarke leaves to front Warrant. Warrant fans find his stage presence "a bit too heavy".

Candlemass release a massive, unbelievably epic double album, and play a handful of farewell shows. 5 mins before the last show, Rob Lowe announces he has finally managed to memorize all lyrics, and won't be needing to bend down and read them from scraps of paper anymore. Leif Edling faints.

Black Pyramid III is released. It features none of the original members, no original songs, and no guitars. The touring band play Black Pyramid's debut in its entirety.

The identities of the members of occult metal band Ghost are revealed during a gig in Tavastia, Helsinki, fi. Jussi Myllykoski of support band Lord Vicar attempts to light up an 8-ounce spliff in the backstage area, causing the fire alarm to go off, and everyone has to rush outside. Hundreds of fans stare in shock, awe and disbelief at the robed but unmasked figures of Varg Vikernes, Albert Witchfinder, "Weird" Al Yankovic, pataphysicien and Gary Barlow.

Three bearded, emaciated, dishevelled men wash ashore on the Isle of Man. They will reveal themselves to be Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson and Neil Peart, and claim that the high priests of Syrinx abducted them in 1986, and replaced them with manchurian candidates. Members of Revelation breathe out massive, collective sighs of relief.

Darin McCloskey releases the 3-hour instructional dvd "How to fine tune the stylus on your turntable", which tops the audiophile charts for 12 weeks.

Evan Crackdust curates Roadburn. All bands that Wino ever played in headline.

Reverend Bizarre reunite, with Mana on bass and Ari Koivunen on vocals, to tour (exclusively) Japan and South America. They perform "Death is glory... now" in its entirety, plus a new composition titled "From the Void III-XII", in which musical prodigy Jari Pohjonen plays drums, bongos, accordion and didjeridoo, juggles beer bottles, swallows swords, breathes fire and mimes to Madonna's "Like a virgin".

Chris Barnes pulls the plug on Hellride on december 20th, 2012. By 8:15 am on december 21st, 2012, Warner Bros executives have snatched the movie rights for an undisclosed amount.

http://www.hellridemusicforums.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25138