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returntothepit >> discuss >> Precepts of Trans-Judeo-Rastafarianism by Abolish the Rules Made of Stone on May 9,2010 9:16pm
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toggletoggle post by Abolish the Rules Made of Stone at May 9,2010 9:16pm
I'd like to introduce you to Trans-Judeo-Rastafarianism, which is my religion as of last Thursday. I have been searching for spiritual clarity for years, and finally I have found it.

Here are the ten rules or precepts of Trans-Judeo-Rastafarianism. These rules enable me to live a moral, satisfying life.

1. All who die within sight of a Trans-Judeo-Rastafarian must immediately be anally raped, preferably while they are dying but if not as soon as possible afterwards.

2. Those who steal must be anally raped and have all their marijuana taken away.

3. Adulterers must be forced to engage in man-bukake with at least 180 members, then must anally rape their spouse.

3. If a man is found to lie, he must be anally raped. If a woman is found to lie, she must be given a massage and listened to.

4. Earthly riches do not interest us. In fact, all income not earned by theft, drug dealing or anal prostitution is considered traif, or untouchable.

5. In battle, the losing side must be anally raped.

6. Our holy sacrament is marijuana delivered through anal rape. When receiving the sacrament, it is considered appropriate to howl obscenities in many tongues.

7. Those who ascend to heaven will achieve a cessation of anal rape for long enough to consume marijuana, yet if they cease the consumption of marijuana, they will be anally raped for eternity.

8. Our deity, who we refer to by the epithet Dar Chiba El-Boofu, reigns supreme and must be worshiped by all who wish to avoid anal rape and confiscation of their marijuana.

9. Those who do not accept Dar Chiba El-Boofu and Trans-Judeo-Rastafarianism are the infidel, and may be anally raped or have their marijuana stolen without consequence. The only way for an infidel to become one of the alquedim, or Chosen Ones, is through constant anal rape and smoking of marijuana.

10. Those who deny the precepts of Trans-Judeo-Rastafarianism, including that Dar Chiba El-Boofu created the world from a cloud of pot smoke during sodomy, will be anally raped until death in retribution for their blasphemy and apostasy.

With these rules, the world is new and fresh to me. I hope you find spiritual enlightenment in them also.



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