ask me about anything. if its a straight forward question i will answer straight forward. ask ridiculous questions to see how i used to bullshit my way through essays in school. I AM THAT FUCKING BORED!

Is it true that weed is completely out of your system after 6 weeks?

yes, and faster if you drink lots of water and take these gold something or other pills i cant recall the whole name for, but yes.

golden seal maybe

It stays in your hair, so I've been told.

i think youre thinking about lsd. but it could be weed too though. i dunno

LSD stores in your spinal cord fluid, I thought?

how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

dave should i buy a 5150 cab or a sunn cab

a woodchuck could chuck the fuck out of all the world's natural resources if given enough p.c.p. plummeting humanity into a tail spin of carnage and cannibalism. theres one recorded case in texas 1965. one single would chuck was fed nothing but mr. t cereal. he escaped his cage, killed the entire staff including security, and half the population of france. he was put down. the only thing killing him was a tooth brush. the handle sharpened into a common prison shiv. president lincoln declared him zoodchuck: zero

5150

sunn

Who is that?

ok sunn then

she is the president of sweden

no 5150

that bald guy is the president of sweden?

i should mention that the 5150 cab is 200 the sunn is 400

ok 5150

no the girl is, the bald guy is reginald p. fuddermupper, he invented the tuning fork in 1358

the tuning fork brought humanity to its highest point in decades.

also inventing the light switch and the gazebo. but meeting his untimely demise in 1512 whilst trying to install the first light switch within a gazebo

it still goes down in the history books, being called 'The Great Gazebo Fire of 1982.'

Dave, how do they get the chocolate into M&M without breaking the coating?

they hire a small group of children with telekinetic abilities. it was a hush hush procedure until the m&m famine in 2022. then it went public. saving millions. you take this small group of gifted youngsters. make them project their rage onto a large colony of chocolate. making the chocolate and all it's villagers erupt into liquid, this liquid is then systematically herded into the pod bay doors of over sized candy shells. when sealing the core, you then take the shrinking device and aim bravely. and abracadabra. M&M'S

how is babby formed?

Dave, what came first? The chicken or the egg?

babby is formed by reverse abortionz

the chicken, but by that time the egg was dead. the chicken did 5 years, only being charged with man slaughter, the excuse of being in the heat of passion was used for defense.

Actually the answer is the chicken came first, but for the reason that he had to cum to create the egg. HAH!

i hear god did the same thing

what do you regret?

Is daylight savings time pointless?

SUNN CABS! Peavey is GAY! (and of course, sunn speakers dont omit the massive amounts of low end when over driven!)

i regret nothing really. to regret would to be focused on the past. the progression of life requires to be focused on the now. thats the straight forward answer. haha.

i regret not climbing a mountain, i regret not fighting off that horde of robots that consumed parliament. i regret not time traveling to help jesus fight the vampires from dracula 2000. i regret EVERYTHING!

daylight savings time is the only way to prevent Roseanne Barr from devouring times square. fact.

im gonna go to bed. but keep em coming and i'll answer them tomorrow.

Dave, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TV REMOTE THIS IS SERIOUSLY GETTING STUPID.

When am I getting the check from that Nigerian guy you put me in touch with?

are you drunk?

why don't you look me in the eyes anymore while we're making love? Is it because of the beard?

why don't you look me in the eyes while your making love to Pires anymore?

why does pires have a beard?

Why do you take opiates solely for the fact it will turn your shit into concrete?

Why is my semen glowing fluorescent purple?

Dave, why did they ruin star wars?

it wasn't completely ruined.
come on....you didn't dig episode 3? at all?

niccolai: your remote control was stolen by werewolves. fact. they needed it to watch 'the view' this morning.

destroy: checks in the mail. but it just so happens the mail truck was a transformer. he has some other stuff to tend to. so 2 weeks.

rev: no sir i was not drunk then and am not drunk currently. maybe slipping into slight dementia, but no sir, not drunk.

pires: cuz you've lost that loving feeling

jim: cuz you've got that loving feeling. but the beard is keeping us from our love. like romeo and juliet.

sean: cuz theres a secret society that wants his face to be warm. i cant say why, i took an oath, but his face needs to stay warm!

skin: cuz someones gotta build this road, and i need materials

darkwor: you have a voodoo curse on you, papa shango did it. he just bought a black light. wants to decorate his room. but he has no money for paint

sean: cuz star wars remaining good, meant that childhood was pure and innocent, and sacred. and everyone knows thats a load of bullshit. i blame double dragon.

orgy: i did like episode 3 but only cuz he killed the younglings

really?

This is hands down my new favorite thread.

Dave, why (the past 2 days) have I started the day with 2 normal dumps and followed them with 2 bouts of raging diarrhea blasting from my anus?

Dave answer this ultimate question... Why? just why?

WHAT... is your favorite colorrrrr????!!!!

rev: yes, really

large: its the toilets plan to populate itself with a growing ecosystem, its own society if you will. you are their god planet. seasons move fast, winter into spring. in like a lion out like a lamb. a fast lamb. the toilet is sending your anus electromagnetic pulses, that make you contribute to this ecosystem. you're being manipulated.

matt: if i told you, i'd have to kill you

fuck: my favorite color is blue sir

This advice is almost Brulian in quality.

really??

Thank you -- just knowing the truth is calming to my sphincter.

rev: yes. . . really

GOD IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO AWESOME IF THEY SHOWED IT HAPPEN!!!

Should I go to a show tonight?

Do you know why ya ice cubes taste so BOORING? It's cuz you make em out of stupid water, ya bimbo!

between Jaja and everyones awful acting yeah I hated all of those when I watch them again. I mean sure the first 3 are campy as fuck and there's probably better acting skills in a Friday 13th movie but those first three ruled so much more, and yeah fuck the storyline I mean it's like Lucas ran out of characters and needed to tie everyone together so perfectly it was just so horrible.

you should go to a show tonight. for the mere fact that Dave Maggot does not drive, and cannot attend 90% of shows. go to make up for his show absence. have fun. live life.

why does it burn when i pee?

WOW it appears there is little in life we agree on

hey i gotta do something to pass the time at work.

disagreeing with me is your passtime?
now i feel special

Put that in your milk!

fuck yo milk nigga!

well that was just yesterday, today were friends again the marvels of the internet is at hand kids.

let us rejoice and drink of guiness.

I thought we weren't gonna talk about our guiness in public. WHAT HAPPENS IN CAMPING TRIP STAYS IN CAMPING TRIP.

scum: you got it from the toilet seat. . . and from engaging in 3-way action with Boris Yeltsin and Diane Keaton. C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!

What was the hardest you ever made a bitch cum? And how?

Why does the voiceover guy in those 6-Hour Power commercials say every line...like it's the last line in the commercial?

fail on everyone for missing my simspons refrence.

i thought it was a South Park reference from the truth about 9/11 episode.

also:

what is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

his third answer should been "yes, thabk you come again"

ah, the Kwik E Mart guru, gotcha.

Dan: jesus christ! well. pretty hard and a few times after that too. done by oral. i'm the grand fucking champion of that shit.

cuz he ingested half a minute power, and has to press a button to feed more power into his system to start a new sentence.

what is the thought process of the average woman?

watch a clockwork orange, on rewind, on l.s.d.

while suspiria plays on another tv. and the house is on fire

Dave first time caller long time listen. my question to you Dave is if you're given a 30min paid break and a 30min unpaid break shouldn't you be able to combine those breaks and just leave an hour earlier from work and should i wear these shoes with these pants I'm gonna hang up now and listen to your answers over the radio thank you

i mean if theres coverage for the station and the works all taken care of, i cant see why not.

and yes, you should that'd look simply FABULOUUUSS!

lol I work in an office so there's nothing cover once I'm gone shit is done till well tomorrow and yeah yeah fuck yeah awwwwwww yeah.

office work is mysterious to me

i now worship dave maggot as a deity. his wisdom is divine

just doing my job, just doing my job haha

Why do they only sell tobiko flakes during the christmas season? I can't find that shit anywhere, and there is NO reason why it should be considered a seasonal food.