Post yours

i was once fucking a fat chick years ago. the dutie was done, so came the next day. we're sitting having a drink and she says "i can't believe last night" i said "yeah huh" (i was thinking she was talking about how good i banged that broad into oblivion but... that wasn't the case. she then says to me "that's the first time i've ever let anyone try anal on me". at that point, i didn't know what the fuck to say. i seriously had no fucking idea i was in her fat, looooose, fucking kaboooooose. the thing was definitely in rough shape.

that is a horrifying story.

i felt dumb for not knowing where i threw my shit. but she should feel dumberer for having the loosest asshole on the southshore.

It's hard to imagine that you mistook a dry asshole for anything else. Are you sure she wasn't fucking with you?

is her name Erin

once my best bro and college roomy was fingering a chicks dumper and he pulled out a into bean on his finger. he calmly looked at the chick and said, "i think this belongs to you." classy..

into = pinto, my b.

i was fucking her bareback. and yesssss she could have been fucking with me and double yesss yesss i was absolutely double fucking retarded fucking on all types of drugs and booze.

ass sweat was a plus in that story

really drunk having sex on my parents couch heard noises nobody was coming but it was enough to make kid i was dating dead limp.. but he was too drunk to realize.. tried to stick it back in i said no the fuck way and jokingly he put it in my ass.. i def almost puked on command haha like tryign to shove one of those wormy toys into your ass.. you know the ones that keep slipping out of your hands.. ugh blegh. hahahaha

i would like to meet someone whos experienced pink sock lol

the first time fooling around with a chick, im going down on her and started tickling her butthole(we had both just showered). she seemed to enjoy the tickling, so i shoved my middle finger up her butt...all i heard was "whoa?" so i slowly extracted the finger, which was clean. i was then known as Mr Badfinger

Only done anal once and that was when I was 17 and the girl was this quiet mousey lil catholic school girl. It confirmed the belief that behind closed doors, even the most meek catholic school girl turned into a massive repressed whore.

I had a chick peel out on the living room carpet and slam her head into the fouton. I think that she passed out for a sec, then she just started crying.

this thread should be moar awesome. anal is awesome. if you think otherwise then your girl has a nappy stankass. tell her to wipe better and jab it in the badlands again.

if it's not asstastic, you are doing it wrong.

I'm an asscetic, I don't engage in karmic behaviors

my ffriend jason told me a silly anal story yesterday ...he fucked this nasty broad and pulled out a shit covered dick.. shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitdick. ugh.. i dont get how broads can be so disgusting... another thign i dont understand is chicks that smell like dead fish. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??

one of the best text messages I've ever received in my life was "lose my number, delete me off myspace, my ass hasn't stopped bleeding for 8 hours"

vagina
ftw

If you don't lubricate, the walls of her rectum close in on your member.

This creates a suction from within to without.

Lubricate and stretch that ass, and you won't be a turdpump.

end result = pink sock

hahaa

agreed. i don't understand the ass fetish. i mean i love a nice ass, and i do enjoy using the finger, but i'll stick with vag. it works just fine for me.

no poophole plzkthx

ONLY poophole plzkthx

ONLY poophole is true!!!

Dont have a story for this one. Never been.

then why is the O in your name so big?

haha

zing.

I stumbled upon a cream pie video online with full pink sock. I almost puked.

First time I tried anal it just wouldn't go in. Second time she let me do it and it was great......for me. I found out much later that she was actually in a lot of pain but didn't bother to tell me. I would love to try it again, but this time I'd be smart enough to use lube. That was a long time ago.

no lube! n00b mistake. girls need to learn to take it in the p00per. otherwise, what's an analversary with out it!?

no lube heard a "I think I am bleeding" so I looked down... "thats nasty, get the fuck away from me" .... I got shit dicked. Weird because we had done it many times before with no weird stuff like that. I guess thats the worst I got.

...lube is digusting.

apparently a friend of mine passed out a few weeks ago and woke up with her bung hole hurting, she confronted her boyfriend (who is practically her brother [in a totally non-biological way...] which is a whole different story), who said he lubed her up and did the deed while she slept

she wasnt drunk





HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?! HOW COULD YOU NOT WAKE UP?!?!

some people are hard sleepers, man...and how could she have not smelled the lube...lube fuckin stinks, man

lungey lube.

when i was 19 my boyfriend did this to me.. hahaha i woke up though and cried..

woooow.

So have you learned to like it while your awake and expecting it yet?

not like a champ...

hahaha i'm still laughing!!

Bum is fun, as long as the girl knows when NOT to do it. Lube + one in the chamber = brown slip & slide. NO THANKS.

Use olive oil, like the priests do.

all-vegetable longening

*lengthening

ugh...fail

lookin out for your vegetarian pal.

It was her idea...

loling

i thought you were going to say something else...

remember that infamous quote??

some dude sounds like he's got a ruffie connection.

do you ever sleep?

LOL

i played gta until 2:30.. oops.

Looks like a half-chewed Starburst.

me and an ex girlfriend were really drunk and about to pass out and we were lying naked in bed and im not sure how it happened but i just kinda shoved it in and she screamed haha

A black goatse! Forget Barack Obama, this man has created equality in our time.

shit

saw a girl passed out on a picnic table the next morning after a huge bash in the summer, wearing white pants with a red spot on her bunghole area. i bet there's a funny story to that one somewhere. wish i took a pic.

<img src="http://www.manbottle.com/pictures/assorgy.jpg">

hahaha white pants.

Okay, you want it?

On the recent Black Pyramid tour in Europe, we were touring with the guys from Blood Farmers. Dave Depraved from Blood Farmers is an odd guy, and when we were in Slovenia, he got a hold of some hardcore Slovenian porn. So we're just driving along, and he's in the back of the van with the two other dudes, and we hear him saying, "oh yeah, she definitely has that champagne bottle all the way in there, on the next page, she pours a drink out of it. I wish I could read the captions, I mean, can someone explain this to me? Is that girl holding a bag so that she can piss into it? Why is she also holding a lighter? And what's with the shaving cream. Yeah, this is definite four out of five star material here." At this point, our tour manager pulls over the van so we all can see what the hell he is talking about, and it comes out that he used to review porn, and after that, he worked for Penthouse under various pseudonyms.

So he starts telling us some crazy stories. One of them had to do with an interracial, geriatric porn scene where this dude named Wesley Pipes was going to do an anal scene with this like 70 year old lady, and Dave had to get an exclusive interview with him. Anyways, Wesley lays into the old lady's ass, and pretty soon, her bowels just let loose, and shit is just flying all over, so they cut the scene and call for someone to get in and clean it up. At this point, Dave goes in for the interview, and asks Wesley Pipes what he thought of the whole thing. And Wesley just goes, "hey, shit happens, you know?" I guess no one was that upset or grossed out on the set, like he said, it happens all the time. So they cleaned the old lady up, cleaned up the set, re-shot the scene.

That was a good story, but nothing compared to Dave Depraved's story about the porns he actually was IN. His description of a weenie roast orgy scene is nothing short of AMAZING, especially when he described the "three legged race" scene that he was an extra for.

i came here for dicks and abortions and all i got were anal sex stories. son, i am disappoint.

i'm blocking all these posters.

anyone got new stories? i banged a chick up her ass hole last week. nothing humorous or horrifying though. too bad.

LOL @ yetis comment....last time I did it, a fine layer of shit was on my dick. Thank the gods I was wearing a condom. I threw up in my mouth a little from the scene/smell. Icky.

Done it before, but much prefer the vagina. Too many bad things come out of an asshole.

like menstrual blood, yeasty discharge and mucous? oh wait.

None of those things are shit, though. Big difference.

There is nothing wrong with a light coating of menstrual blood for lubrication purposes.

zaxzx

senior year high school...girlfriend at the time was down to try anal so i said "FUCK IT" , she shit all over my dick, so i rinsed it off in her vagina. she was from windham NH, we called it the windham wash. still lives on today.

whEn a CoCk enTers tHE uNfoRgivInG thREshHold oF tHE FUCKING SHITNIGGER SMALL INTESTINAL ASSFUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yOu beGin to NOTicE a ChANge iN yoUr SensOrY nOdEs Only Then Can You Hope To TRULY FUCKING GOD DMAN EXPIERIENCE WHTA TRUE ANAL SEX IS FUCKING GOD DAMN FUCK ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it IS a SaD stAte oF AFfaiRs wH en PEoPle Do noT knOW ThE Joys Of Turning Your FUCKING COCK INTO TOILET PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It Is A Similar Feeling One Would Experience To Using Your Erect Penis as A tamPoN foR a LaDy on onE of HeR HeaVY fLOw dAys, YoUR faCe adAPtinG an eXpre SSioN Of AMazeMenT AS yoU NotIce yOuR GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING COCK TURNING INTO A GOD DAMN ICE FUCKING CREAM FUCKING CONE DIPPED IN SHITCUNT BALLSWEAT CHERRY FUCKUING ICE CREAM DIP YOU ASSHOLE EAT SHTT AND KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! beCauSe it Would Truly Be A Thing Of Wonder Ha d You Experienced Anything Of The Like Prior To This Engagement.

I just LOVE buttholes!

xxx