From /b/--

For one, peach isa relaly big whore. And her whoring around has only led Mario and Bowser, former BFFs to start fighting as part of a really awkward love triangle. She cant decided which one she wants because Bowser does have the nicer crib, and the henchmen, but mario is the dashing hero. Obviously tehy both have money and lots of gold coins or shed be fucking luigi by now.

Its a pretty sick head game if you ask me. Tells bowser she was beaten so he takes her into his castle and feeds her, clothes her, and sends his "bad guys" after mario to teach him a lesson for KAPOWing his bride to be. Little does he know, Mario did nothing of the sort. Then, she has the audacity to tell Mario who is at home wondering where his baby is, that SHES BEEN KIDNAPPED. What the fuck peach? Mario gets pissed at bowser because hes a kidnapping jealous ass, and bowser is pissed at mario because hes a wife abusing son of a bitch... did i mention mario is also a homophobe who secretly sodomizes his pet dragon. Dont worry, peach sure did to Bowser.

Luigi probs has the hots for Princess peach, because shes gorgeous, and lets face it, luigi as marios sidekick probably doesnt get a lot of action.

Toad once upon a time also wanted peach, but he is just so nice and "such a nice guy" that he "deserves someone better" etc etc. So toad has settled for being peaches BFF. Hes harsh man crushing on luigi, and luigi probably bones because like i said, he doesnt get a lot of vag, dick, or anything really. He keeps it on the DL though because if peach finds out, she will be OH SEW HAPPY for both of them, and in her weird whorish mind wont cheat with luigi, despite how much he would. Its because she is BFFs with toad, and thus doesnt find it a ok to whore herself to men in relationships because its toad, and not some random girl whos heart would be as equally broken. Not too mention if mario found out, hed totally kcik luigi out of the club because hes a homophobe for suresies right?

BUt does peaches whorish ways end there? Of course not.
Dont forget yoshi. All 4 of them actually. You see, yoshi is aok with her riding cowboy style, her favorite position, and is also hung like well.. a dinosaur. Not too mention he can do rather amazing things with his tongue. So, in betweenie meanie here, when she isnt causing problems for the two old friends bowzer and mario, is orgying it up on the side with red yoshi, blue yoshi, green yoshi, and the best yoshi of all, yellow yoshi. She does this because she gets all the perks and such of being in a relationship with the two rich guys, but the sex life is well... mediocre, to say the least. So she gets off by fucking around with yoshi. They provide her with all the sex in teh world, and they are good at it too no less, and she then tosses tehm aside after she is done using them and then goes to marios house, or bowsers, depending on who she wants to headfuck more.

IN conclusion, the mario story is just the "kids version". The real facts are here. youd never know this by simply playing the game as a young child on your SNES. But if you dig deeply, the truth screams out at you. So next time your playing mario.. just think what you are doing trying to rescue that bitch. Shes just fucking you in the ass witha giant pearly dong time and time again. Chill out with the koopas. Dont stomp on their heads. Millions of koopas, wiggly dudes, and ghost dudes have died because of her shamelessness.

Hey that's just like real life.