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returntothepit >> discuss >> A New Fairytale: XMikeX and the Three Restroom Stalls by xmikex on Oct 4,2007 4:22pm
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toggletoggle post by xmikex at Oct 4,2007 4:22pm edited Oct 4,2007 4:23pm
One day, in a far away land in the south end of Boston a guy named Mike had to make waste. He entered the kingdom of the first floor lobby bathroom. He walked into the first stall.

"Oh no!" He said "This toilet seat is too covered in splashes of ambiguous liquids!"

He entered the next stall.

"Oh dear!" He said "This toilet seat is tooo covered in gross pubic hairs!"

He entered the third stall.

"Oh my!" He said "THIS toilet is tooooo filled with a giant yellow and brown puddle!"

There was no stall that was just right. But there was one in a magical land on the 5th floor that was only kind of gross. The moral of the story is that people are disgusting, and go out of their way to gross shit up in public restrooms.

I think it's a tale that people can relate to.



toggletoggle post by DestroyYouAlot  at Oct 4,2007 4:29pm
Nothing like heading for the shitter with a full colon, after your morning coffee (large), only to find both stalls occupied. If you can wait, great. If you can't wait - then you're in no condition to be climbing stairs to an empty seat. It's an enigma, wrapped up in a riddle.

Covered in shit.



toggletoggle post by menstrual_sweatpants_disco   at Oct 4,2007 4:29pm
Sure can.

My favorite is that people apparently shed 3 pounds of pubic hair while they shit.



toggletoggle post by FuckIsMySignature at Oct 4,2007 6:06pm
i enjoy shitting in foreign toilets.



toggletoggle post by DaveFromTheGrave  at Oct 4,2007 6:49pm
DestroyYouAlot said:
Nothing like heading for the shitter with a full colon, after your morning coffee (large), only to find both stalls occupied. If you can wait, great. If you can't wait - then you're in no condition to be climbing stairs to an empty seat. It's an enigma, wrapped up in a riddle.

Covered in shit.


A couple weeks ago I was in this situation and I ended up using the lady's room, I seriously couldn't wait. It's funny cause no woman in existence is capable of producing a stench comparable to what I bombed that place with.

Whenever I have to shit in a public toilet, I wad up a bunch of toilet paper and line the seat with it so that my ass won't make contact. I think a lot of people do that.



toggletoggle post by fuck logging in at Oct 4,2007 7:25pm
I just wiped it down with a wad of toilet paper. after living in a dorm using nothing but a public bathroom you just stop caring.



toggletoggle post by xmikex at Oct 4,2007 10:26pm
DaveFromTheGrave said:
A couple weeks ago I was in this situation and I ended up using the lady's room, I seriously couldn't wait. It's funny cause no woman in existence is capable of producing a stench comparable to what I bombed that place with.


hahaha I do that all the time actually. I've done it after someone puked in the Charlie's Kitchen men's room. I did it when the Union Square KFC wouldn't give me the keys to the men's room. I did it last weekend at the north quincy Dunkin Donuts. I actually pulled off the highway to drop an emergency duece. The men's room was occupied. The lady's room was open... what do you do?

My only concern is what happens when some broad comes knocking at the door? Do I do my best Barbara Bush voice and say "Juuuust a minute!" and hope she buys it, or what?



toggletoggle post by hyper_sludge at Oct 4,2007 10:40pm
I'm the asshole who shits on the toilet seat in public bathrooms. I'll piss all over the floor so your pantlegs will be wet and smelling of my urine. When you walk into the stall you'll be greeted by a fucking warzone in which everybody died.



toggletoggle post by BobNOMAAMRooney nli at Oct 5,2007 2:24am
Tales from Rochester, NY:

Driving home from Toronto my girlfriend and I stopped at a rest stop outside of Rochester on the New York Thruway. The girlfriend goes into the bathroom and a minute or so later come out and tells me that we'll have to stop at the next rest stop because. Why? Stall A had a massive dump in it, but no toilet paper, Stall B had a tampon floating in a sea of blood and urine, and Stall C combined the two presenting a bloody tampon floating on a mass of diarrhea.

What grossed us out the most about all this was the fact that the three bitches who left these delights didn't use any toilet paper.



toggletoggle post by DaveFromTheGrave  at Oct 5,2007 2:34am



toggletoggle post by deadlikemurf  at Oct 5,2007 5:09am
xmikex said:
DaveFromTheGrave said:
A couple weeks ago I was in this situation and I ended up using the lady's room, I seriously couldn't wait. It's funny cause no woman in existence is capable of producing a stench comparable to what I bombed that place with.


hahaha I do that all the time actually. I've done it after someone puked in the Charlie's Kitchen men's room. I did it when the Union Square KFC wouldn't give me the keys to the men's room. I did it last weekend at the north quincy Dunkin Donuts. I actually pulled off the highway to drop an emergency duece. The men's room was occupied. The lady's room was open... what do you do?

My only concern is what happens when some broad comes knocking at the door? Do I do my best Barbara Bush voice and say "Juuuust a minute!" and hope she buys it, or what?



hahah.. i've done that at charlie's b4... and i just yelled out in a real loud manly voice "OCCUPADO!"




toggletoggle post by xmikex at Oct 5,2007 8:17am
That's hilarious.



toggletoggle post by DrewBlood@Work at Oct 5,2007 9:27am
i love these stories, here's mine:

as a young man growing up in central new york it was a very big deal to go to boston to see the red sox play the rangers in a three game series. my family took the week off and we spent five days in some crappy motel in braintree and took the red line in every day to do all the tourist stuff. unfortunately, due to the water change I was unable to poop for my first day, my second day, and even my third day in boston. by the fourth day of walking around town, going to sox games, and not pooping my gut was making noises reminiscent of a stalling diesel engine. around four in the afternoon i get to the top of the bunker hill monument and i feel the bottom drop out of my colon. i had the biggest urge to shit that i have ever had in my entire life. i ran down all of those stairs, knocking people over left and right and i get to the bathroom at the gift shop in record time. ...and by that time, i had lost the urge to shit.

by the end of the day we were riding back to the motel at around 11pm and I got the urge to shit again... but this time it meant business. I ran through the motel lobby and to the nearest bathroom to find it locked. I ran back to the desk, got the key, ran back to the bathroom, whipped into the stall, and let it rip. After about ten minutes of pooping what appeared to be black bean soup I noticed that there was but square of toilet paper left. I had to bunny hop out of the stall and grab some paper towels to clean up what was left of my asshole. To this day, I always check the paper roll before I poop.



toggletoggle post by Mess at Oct 5,2007 9:36am
just now i took a leak. this chick was in there before me and she forgot to flush. there was just stinking piss in the bowl along with a wad of toilet paper with a skid mark on it. more proof that women are dirtier than guys in the bathroom.



toggletoggle post by xmikex at Oct 5,2007 10:12am
using paper towels suck, especially when they're the thick rough kind that high school bathrooms use.

One day while I was in high school I had to drop one, so I went down to the bathroom and found out that it was locked. Weird. So I went back to my teacher and told him. He said there was in "incident" that morning, and all the student bathrooms in that building were locked. This was around the time there were "bomb scares" at my school, after the columbine shootings and whatnot. So he tells me this story, and then turns back to what he was doing (it was a programming class, he wasn't instructing in front of the whole class at the time). Meanwhile I've got a Stanley Steamer brewing. I end up getting into an argument with the guy over him giving me the keys to the bathroom. He wouldn't budge so I told him "Listen, I'm about to have an 'incident' of my own right here in your class room if you don't get me those keys!" He caved, and I took off for the bathroom.

I make it by the skin of my teeth. And I realize half way through that whatever terrorist occurance happened that morning, the end result was there was no toilet paper anywhere. I had to do the pants-pulled-up-but-not-buckled electric slide across the bathroom (praying that no one would see me) to grab some paper towels. Paper towels which were so thick and course they might as well have been slabs of concrete on my asshole.



toggletoggle post by Y_Ddraig_Goch  at Oct 5,2007 10:24am
Mess said:
just now i took a leak. this chick was in there before me and she forgot to flush. there was just stinking piss in the bowl along with a wad of toilet paper with a skid mark on it. more proof that women are dirtier than guys in the bathroom.


I cleaned bathrooms for two years at Christmas tree shops, indeed the woman are a hundred times over disgusting than men when it comes to bathroom usage.


One time I was in the woman's room and there was shit on the walls, I mean all three walls, I was fucking mind-boggled.



toggletoggle post by DrewBlood@Work at Oct 5,2007 10:31am
Y_Ddraig_Goch said:
I cleaned bathrooms for two years at Christmas tree shops


I am so sorry for you. No one should have to do that.




toggletoggle post by Yeti at Oct 5,2007 10:32am
xmikex said:
Paper towels which were so thick and course they might as well have been slabs of concrete on my asshole.


oh man that is the worst, then you are left with firehole for the rest of the day.



toggletoggle post by xmikex at Oct 5,2007 10:36am
Y_Ddraig_Goch said:
Mess said:
just now i took a leak. this chick was in there before me and she forgot to flush. there was just stinking piss in the bowl along with a wad of toilet paper with a skid mark on it. more proof that women are dirtier than guys in the bathroom.


I cleaned bathrooms for two years at Christmas tree shops

One time I was in the woman's room and there was shit on the walls, I mean all three walls, I was fucking mind-boggled.


Was it in the shape of a cinnamon wreath?



toggletoggle post by BobNOMAAMRooney nli at Oct 5,2007 12:14pm
The worst bathroom I've ever been in was at the beach in Hopkinton State Park. My day camp took us there when I was six and as soon as our bus pulled into the lot I had to take a dump. So I run to the bathroom and find that someone shit on the toilet seat, then I look down and see that someone else took a dump on the floor in front of the toilet. Looking inside the bowl I saw that the toilet was almost overflowing with toilet paper and someone had left an elephant sized shit in there (I'm assuming this was a three person job because I don't think anyone could produce that much shit).

On the verge of throwing up, but still having to shit really bad I did the only thing my brilliant little mind could think of...I took a dump in one of the urinals. I had been consumed by the madness of the Hopkinton State Park bathroom.



toggletoggle post by ariavette at Oct 5,2007 12:47pm
haha when I was little my first camp was at Hopkinton also but they still had the stupid hole in the ground 8 ft drop into the ground latrine, I was horrified and refused to use it for fear of falling into a mountain of shit so I ended up peeing my pants and had to go home. Needles to say I never returned



toggletoggle post by Yeti at Oct 5,2007 12:55pm
shitting into a giant hole must be extremely rewarding, the sound would echo wonderfully.



toggletoggle post by ariavette at Oct 5,2007 1:19pm
at the time I was terrfied, was so dark I figured there was a giant shit monster living down there waiting patiently to feast on little children.



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