i go to shit and im in line for the big stall, empty bathroom.
then the firealarm goes off.
over and over for a few seconds. i retreat to my cube.

and email goes out about them testing the sprinlers. so i go back to the bathroom.
ok, the big stall is taken, but the 2 small stalls arent. i take the end stall and sit down. immediately some dude busts in and sits down beside me. ruining what would have been an epic shit.

I hate hate hate hate workplace shitting.

i am with you both, shitting is a very personal thing. i'll never get used to shitting when someone is around, regardless of the partitions between.

I don't give a fuck. When it comes to making poops, I'm the alpha male, always. I enforce strict bathroom dominance over all lesser shitters. I have engaged in many a gnarly crap-off, and emerged the victor every time.

eh, I just make sure that I got to the single person bathroom

As a matter of fact, I'll be right back.

there aren't any here.

Haha! Just ran off another pretender to the throne. Literally within ten seconds of the first note of my rectal symphony, he was pants up, hands washed and out of there. Victory!

I like to make sure my ID badge is showing under the partition, so they know who shamed them.

yar it sucks bad...


especially when you have a hot barely legal broad sitting in the cube closest to the shitter

Haha... At brad weymouth and my former place of employment, there were two bathrooms. If the warehouse shitter was occupied, the remaining choice was smack dab in the middle of the sales office. It had one of those ultra-thin panel doors that just acts like a sounding board for any noise you make while ripping one out, and there were like three people with desks literally five feet away from the door. I definitely ruined a few lunches, there.

hahah
well just go an sit and wait until whoever leaves...then release...

unless I'm going to play tetris, I only go when it's the last minute.

or you can train your asshole to spray at a time that best suites you?

Mess said:

Legal? What the fuck do you want with her then?

Mark your territory in the shitter with pride. If you have a guy next to you trying to out do you, step it up dueling banjo style like in the Family Guy when Peter Griffin took on Michael Moore.

I can't shit in a public bathroom if someone else is in there. A good shit is a private shit, cuz then you can take all the time and be as loud as you need.

"You know that feeling when you take a huge dump...? Awesome."

i'll shit anywhere. no worries.

i love shitting at work, on the clock getting paid to shit!

i love shitting in general

I love shitting anywhere that isn't my house, provided that the stall door actually closes and there is toilet paper. I don't like terrorizing my own house and ravaging the toilet paper supply when I could ruin someone else's commode and steal their 2-ply.

I especially love the day that I gave a movie theatre bathroom the most grueling death penalty ever manifested by a human being, and ruined whoever's day that walked in after I punished the porcelain.

Mess said:

"Bad Asshole! Bad!"

I once took a shit that stank so bad, some dude left the building, got in his car, and drove away. We didn't see him again for 3 days. it's great if you want privacy, nobody will come near when you drop turds that burn through the porcelain.

WORK?

HAHAHA

MarkFuckingRichards said:

Haha. When I was in college, it was of unfortunate circumstance that the bathroom stalls in the main library all had their doors ripped out. Why was it like this? No one knew. But during study binges, there were times when I got the some serious movement comin along... so yeah I've been known to shit in a completely open stall. People would walk in, I would tap the floor, they would know to stay back.

Last night's Taco Bell + this morning's large iced coffee =



It was a genuine three-flusher, I shit you not. (SHIT, LOL!)

coffee ALWAYS makes me shit

DestroyYouAlot said:

ohhhhhhhhhh man i was genuinely disgusted by this pic... then i read your description and almost hurled.

I had to take my ritual shit after drinking 2 cups of coffee today. So I am in the stall and a guy sits in the stall yesterday. I am trying to keep it quiet and then he starts ripping away. Of course I had to show him who was boss and let loose. Needless to say, I won.

This man showed me the way. He is the patron saint of toilet bowl pwnage:

sucks, today, the big stall is flooded. I tried to flush it a bunch, but it did nothing. now, I'm once again shitting beside someone trying not to do the sentator craig thing and spread my legs too far. unfortunately for the person beside me, everything I ate yesterday contained piles and piles of beans.

I have the shits bad today. I ate sushi last night and I don't think it agreed. I blasted once last night and have continued to pollute a toilet hourly. Hopefully I won't shit my pants while lifting today.

I've been shitting a lot more than I usually do the past few days, mostly because I'm finally attaching myself to a consistent diet with no Taco Bell and almost no soda. I shit a huge "X" the other day. It clogged a Home Depot toilet, and I pride myself on that.

Yeti said:
I'm the same way - It's not so much that I'm worried about my shit smelling bad, its mostly that I enjoy taking a good shit in private, and if someone else is in the next stall, I can't enjoy my time alone, instead I have to listen to their ass ripping, water splashing and huffing and puffing like they just ran 10 miles.
I'm the same way pissing as well, I feel like I can't go if I'm at a urinal and some dude takes the one right next to me. I value my personal space and privacy and its just ruined by having some dork standing right beside me while I'm taking a leak.

Personally, I'm proud of my elephantine emissions.

DestroyYouAlot said:

You'd get along with my boss quite well. He came to where I was working one day ONLY to show me a picture of a huge shit he took. To get the full effect, he put a paperclip in the toilet so I could tell just how big the shit was in comparison to the paperclip.

DestroyYouAlot said:

That's awsome.

wow.. it looks lik someone put hersey's syrup all around the bowl.

regularity is probably the best thing in life.

"you know Mrs. Torrance, you've gotta keep regula, if you wanna be happy"

Haha, destroy youalot, that bathroom was always smelling of ass.
You guys, or should I say, FAGS, who can't shit when there are others present should seriously consider castration.

wow.. it just took me 4 flushes to get the guy before me's TP huge clump down. tom hanks could have hung on to that shit and floated back to america in castaway

WILSOOOOOON!!!

I had another round of dualing banjos with the guy in the stall next to me. Drinking a lot of coffee is always great ammunition.

the_reverend said:

i almost just spit everything i was eating all over my computer hahahaha. i was shitting today and thinking about how there is no silence more deafening than the men's room.

hey steve, how come i'm the only one that farts at band practice then? I demand a fart-off..

I just blame them on you; that way everybody wins.

One banana, two cups of Good Morning America and I'm good to go....poop that is. I was at a church the other day and stunk up that nuns bathroom something fierce...the good lord wants the cubs to win!!

I TOOK A GIANT SHIT AT THE WELFARE OFFICE
AFTERWARDS, I QUALIFIED FOR MEDICAL
TAKING THE MAN'S MONEY AND LIVING LARGE, THIS NIGGA IS

BLACK POWER!

last time i took a shit at work someone came in and grabed my ankles mid-shit and tried to pull me off the can and out of the stall, not pleasant.

FERMENT THAT SHIT
MAKE JENKEM

BLACK POWER!

scumfuck said:

where do you work?

at a harley shop in auburn

I JUST SHIT OUT A LOAD OF DIGESTED PORK PRODUCTS
PEOPLE EVACUATED THE HOOD FOR A FEW HOURS

WHATEVER
A MAN'S SUPPOSED TO SMELL LIKE A MAN, YOU HEAR?

BLACK POWER!

NIGGER said:



"Don't nobody go into the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes,"

scumfuck said:

ah, i thought that was you. whats up mang? that party Gabe invited you to was killer. we'll be throwing an xmas bash, i'm sure he'll inform you with the details.

living in a dorm has caused me not to care about shitting in a bathroom

yea so I just went into my work's bathroom and someone was coughing to cover up the plopping and spraying noises. Reminded me of that Family Guy episode.
Earlier today someone was breathing really hard; I thought they were having a heart attack in there.

idk, there's something very magical about getting payed while simultaneously clogging their toilets...

TRY SHITTING ON WELFARE
IT ROCKS

BLACK POWER!

Hey if you gotta go, you gotta go.

peteovdom said:

thats why i save my shitting for work. i won't shit on break either.

Yeti said:

haha i don't either..

I wait until 5 of or 5 past.

I'm about to go.
Let the adventure begin!

there is nothing better than getting paid to shit. i love it!

By my calculations, I just made $2.35 on the pot.

I wonder how much Oprah makes on the pot.

Probably five pounds, on average.

hahahahaha

at my old job i would come back from break, go to drop the cosbys off, then remember that i should punch in first.

Yeah but your getting paid while shitting. Always a silver lining dude.

Owwww...

Buffalo wings + 100 beers + carbombs + many several shots + morning coffee = HOT MOLTEN LAVA HOLE

I feel like someone gave me a Tabasco and whiskey enema.

frued says...."LATENCY AT THE ANAL STAGE!"

the dude shitting beside be sounded like her was waxing a bowling ball instead of wipping his ass. it sounded like he was rubbing a vinyl jacket. wtf!

rubbing a vinyl jacket!? Wow. That must be some pretty fucking serious Ass-fro Turf.

I don't mind pooping while other people are taking care of business but I can't stand all the huffing and puffing that some guys go through. Nothing ruins a good shit like some dude groaning and sighing through every strain and labor of his daily constitutional.

hahaha agreed. i had to shit so bad earlier, but when i opened the main bathroom door i was punched in the face and thrown back out by someone's horrific stench.

whatever happened to the old "courtesy flush". Ignant bitches.

Timma said:

Went out with perfumed silk handkerchiefs and tights, why?

You guys are all soft. Taking dumps at work fucking rules. Grab the paper, have a cup of coffee, get comfortable! Best excuse to take a 10 minute break without punching out.
Now taking dumps at shows....that's something that fucking sucks and I absolutely hate!

hahaha so true, shitting at shows is one of the worst things i've ever had to do.

yes agreed... and when you are on tour... its like shows, other peoples houses around their moms and gas stations. makes you wonder if you have hpv by the end of it.

human papaloma virus? I think you mean hepatitis.

oh, the dude in the stall next to me unleashed something so foul.. it was like that time I put 50 goldfish in my turtle tank and he massacred them. Then the hot lamps beat down on 50 dead, bloated bodies all day in a closed condo.

turtles smell so bad after like 2 days, i took care of alligator snappers once upon a time, and they were horrid.

peteovdom said:

I don't know why but i laughed really hard at that.

yesterday at work, around the time I was going to leave, I went into the bathroom and was immediately covered by this rotten stench, a man huffing and puffing, and numerous fart noises. i just happened to notice the coffee mug on the counter, which made me realize who it was. right after the man got out of the bathroom, he was leaving the office. I told him "smell ya later" and he gave me the weirdest look man, I can't even begin to describe how it looked.

I'm planning on making some butt dumplings after lunch; I'll let you know how it goes.

its funny going into the bathroom at my work and seeing someones feet in the shitting position, smelling the vile stench, and their work badge is facing you with the name and smiling face of the culprit.

Haha. Yup. I have no problem shitting at work. I sometimes try to hide my feet if the person next to me might recognize my shoes, otherwise I try to fart as loud as I can when I hear someone else in there. One time I swear one time this other person was trying to have a farting duel with me while we were both pinching loafs. I won of course.

It didn't happen, BTW. *pout*

i once endured the worst fart noises and ass rips from hank philipe ryan from WHDH in the stall next to me. there's still no way i'd ever take that woman seriously, fart noises aside.

are people animals? 3 fucking flushes before i could even sit on the bowl.. and then there was still a mysterious shit ball that wouldnt go down. not for all the tea in china.

anonymous said:

That rules. I'll never be able to look at her the same way again.

I bet Natalie Jacobson clogs mad bowls.

one thing that really surprises me is the amount of people that don't wipe. i hear them come in, sit down, make a bunch of noises, and then get up without any paper rustling. sometimes i think they just sit down to fart because they are too pussy to do it at their desks, but other times you can hear the obvious expulsion of shit and the subsequent plop, yet still no paperwork. that bothers me.

how the fuck do you not wipe your ass?

IF YOU EAT ENOUGH GREASE
IT SLIDES RIGHT OUT
BEFORE YOU EVEN NOTICE

LIKE PRISON
CEPT BACKWARD

BLACK POWER!

imho the worst is when all 3 stalls are full. it's like you at sitting on someone's lap while shitting

"sounds like someone has a case of the mondays."

wow... the person before me looks like they didn't even attempt to flush. wtf! thanks for leaving a stink log for me. what the fuck is this, the 1800's outhouse scene?

from the way you describe it i'm assuming you work in an cube farm, you mean to tell me that you sit there and rip loud stinky farts at your desk?

Always take a shit at work.

well the chair muffles the sound, but otherwise yes.

but...you're getting paid to do it, technically. if you're on hourly wage.

I'm stuck in a meeting right now... god I would love to shit at work right now

i'm an omlette, large fry, 2 spike's dogs, and one long into loving shitting at work.

HELL YES

You come into my cube, you get what's coming to you. And what's coming to you is my poopsmell.

Steve de Toilette

somehow i don't think stinking up the office by ripping smelly farts at your desk all day helps you climb the corporate ladder.

but what do i know, my desk was moved to the basement to take care of the rat problem.

And then you sit down on the warm seat, slightly lubricated with their ass-sweat, and realize that your ass is in direct contact with something their ass was in contact with only moments before. mmm mmmm good.

I used to hate shitting at work...until a few months ago when I brought in a full size door poster of Manowar (Into Glory Ride era...complete with loincloths) and hung it on the wall in front of the toilet. Shitting is a much more enjoyable experience when you can just sit and gaze at their mighty plastic swords and cocoa buttered muscles.

mmmm...cocobuttah

i absolutely fucking hate sitting on a warm toilet seat. i want the shock of a freezing cold one. i mean i know that people sit on it all the time, but i'd rather not feel it.

That rules so hard.

after all that taco bell and 24oz of coffee and a large veggie patty sub for breakfast, getting to the bathroom after gut cramping it through a meeting is like the sweet release of freedom. it just smells like I released fresh hardboiled eggs.

I like eggs.

i dumped a whole pile of death this morning after a weekend of epic booze consumption. i could hear my intestines gasping for air.

Speaking of booze, I have not drank in about a month. What is wrong with me? Should I see a therapist? I miss bud mud in the AM. I might have to go out later and buy some beers.

I presented it to my coworkers as my christmas gift to them. At first they were distraught but they grew to love it...after all, who can deny the bulging biceps and junk of Joey Demaio?

I just broke off a mean monkey tail at home... just not the same sense of accomplishment I get from deucing at work, though.

collecting unemployment checks rules, but leaving a nasty dump at the many colleges in Boston whose copiers i used to fix was very satisfying, i miss it.

There will be other dumps, my son.

thank you Jeebus

it's like I just walked into rush hour here are grandcentral station. nothing worse than having to walk around someone coming out of a stall knowing that they pre-warmed the seat for you.

i work a couple days a week in a salon in hanover renting a chair.. basically this allows me ot have zero responsibiltiy other than hair... about a week or so ago i was stuck behind my hcaier for 3 hours straight and felt like my insides were going to erupt a blast of urine like a time bomb.. when i finally had the chance i ran to the bathroom with a quickness.... low and behold there was a massive quantity of tp in the hole.. fucking christ! so i flush.. not thinking.. the water starts rushing the the surface as if it were pouring from a faucet.. i dont even know where a plunger is so i get the assistant.. she comes in and starts to do her thing... but unaware to the naked eye there was a little suprise awaiting her underneath the wet blankets of tp. apparently one of pur clients shit out the redwood forest and failed to ask for a plunger when she realized the timber was too tall to budge. soooooooooooo marybeth the 45 yr old shampoo assistant and mother of two decides shes never seen a duty before in her life that didnt belong to her and projectile vomits into the bowl... causing just enough liquid to over flow this soupy delight onto the floor.. i am in the doorway witnessing the incredible horror scene and laughing with such intensity that pee was just about to squeeze into my panties. i use the men rooms which is much cleaner anyways because the only one ever in there is a gay ocd man named chris with a purple rat tail. when i came back out to scope the scene.. there was about 8 or so people standing around complaingin about the lady that shit and someone else was cleaning the mess....... after all of this trauma went down.. i noticed a woman sitting in the corner under the hair dryer unaware of the entire esapade... she had to be about 90.. i decided to be a helping hand and combed out her cotton ball coiffure and tell her about what was going on because she seemed curious at this point about the caca congregation.. i clearly sugar coated the whole thing for the ears of a crypt creeper and paying client... whatev.. so she leaves.. days go by.. blah blah.. hair solution recieves a letter in the mail.. from who? that elderly bitch with the george washington do.. it was an apology for clogging the toilet and not informing anyone due to the sheer embarassment of teh size of her load. HAHAHAHAHAH god you think you'd have no shame by the age of 106.. best poop story i have ever been a part of..

thats some funny shit. wow i'm fucking dying after reading that.

the entire experience was priceless... i like to imagine this stuff happens often to people.

bahahahahahahahaha that was awesome.

gd... someone just tried to open door policy me. that's bullshit. piss

best idea is to just push as hard as possible in the johns at work.
really get that lower GI bumpin' kehd.
the joke is on others who are uncomfortable. fuck it mang everyone poops.

it like our euro neighbor who consistently wears a speedo at our beach house in hull. no one can deal with his liberated banana hammock steez but he really doesnt sweat it at all. the joke is on everyone else, as they get all red faced and bothered just lookin' at him.

aviator shades, slicked back hair, gold chain and the proboscis for the WIN.

i am shocked at how many people don't knock. quite often i'll be near the bathroom on the train, and i'd say that 1 out of every 20 people knock. the rest just slowly pull on the handle to see if its locked, and the door doesn't usually lock, so there are many embarrassed faces.

i've had the door slightly opened on me before, i just kick it really hard so it slams shut again.

someone should make a thread called "god do i hate sharting at work" because that's what just happened to me.

Last tuesday, right when i got to work, the obese woman with the rank vag that i've ranted about shit herself. and she friggin stayed the whole day too. and of course no one tells me, so i'm walking around yelling "Who stepped in shit?" god i hate unisex bathrooms...

anyone else have this sharting problem?
non-stop, every day.

No way! Couldn't disagree with you more.

WHY DO IT FOR FREE AT HOME, WHEN YOU CAN GET PAID TO DO IT AT WORK???

gd... the gguy beside me flushed 5 FUCKING TIMES. once he left another guy went into that stall and flushed 2 more times. the funniest thing is that it was this guy who's 4'11". the guy that came in after him was a stand up wiper too. oh man, thank fully i had a one wipe shit. some good came out of it.

i hate when people feel the need to be vocal about what they are doing. grunting, groaning, straining, and whatever other weird noises they make. if you have to strain that much, you need to eat a bowl of fiber and call a doctor.

god long thread!
i have no job but im in school and dont attempt to shit there. XD

fuck you aril! i was minding my own business sitting at my desk ttrying to quietly squeeeze out some methane when i had to clench and rush to the john. i caught it in the nick of time. one little push and i would have had undies full of cornpoops.

hahaha

tell your ass to quit shalking.

This thread got awesomer.

i do believe i gave birth to the Pringles guy this morning.

haha... I don't want to know how that would fit out of your anus..

it was roughly the size of a Pringles can.

happens at my work non stop. dudes fucking power shitting, and yelling like there in a shitty metal core band

hahahahahaha

the worst thing is (and this usually happens at the mall or something) is when PEOPLE DON'T FLUSH.

i just threw down a fistfull of rabbit turds

good glavin

The big lie here is that when you shit at work, you shit in the toilet.

Every office has out of the way spaces, or a parking lot with a shady zone. Grab the TP and blow poocarnage out there.

It's more relaxing, and you get to see it decompose forweeks.

This has merit.

theres assholes at my work that take the middle of the 3 urinals, when im at the one on the far right or left.

That's nothing. I shit in the middle urinal.

if one is to take a snickers bar and insert it in a urinal, the chocolate eventually melts and ends up looking exactly like a piece of shit. highly recommended.

i shit 6 times yesterday. that cant be healthy.

WHAT THE HELL.

I just pooped out maybe a liter of green mud. Like, really really green. I haven't eaten anything even remotely green in days and days.

GO CELTICS

i didn't shit yesterday for some reason, so the morning farts today were unbelievably disgusting. i stunk out a part of the train. it was magnificent.

hahaha, I stink out the trian all the time.
Specailly if you rest your knees up on the back of the seat in front of you (on the commuter rail). It's the perfect angle for a SBD far.

hahahaha i am well trained in that art.

So I went to take a dump in the stall here. I open up the door and there's at least 4-5 different bodily fluids floating around the toilet and on the seat. Who the FUCK does this in an office? There's something which resembles some sort of semen, something that looks like puke, snots, shit, and piss. WTF? I showed some of my co-workers here and they ran out of the bathroom as fast as they could.

a guy i work with shits at least 8 times a day, and it always looks like sand is at the bottom of the toilet after he's flushed and left the room.

I went to take a shit at the office the other day and found a big bowl of sliced fruit on the floor directly next to the shitter. Melon, pineapple & strawberries. Looked delicious.

shitting at work rules!
you are getting paid to take a dump!
i fail to see the problem

christmas eve one of the was boys at my work was taking a massive dump and being our slow season we could not let this go unpunished. We ended up taking buckets full of snow and absolutely covering the kid up to his knees over the walls of the stall.

AHAHAHAHAHA!

and thats supposed to be one of the wash boys, i'm just retarted and can't type

you retart

I don't like to shit at work, but much like shitting at shows, shitting at reh. spaces (from my experiance) is the worst. So I have a girls room key if I have no choice, but last night it wasn't working because I was to drunk to get the key in the hole. I ended up blowing brown batter all over the men's room toilet whilst hovering and covered the the entire toilet. The seat was up, so it even hit the wall.

you hate shitting at work, but like shitting at shows? i'm the total opposite. i dread shitting at shows, especially any time i'm at the Palladium. i thankfully have not had to shit at any show i've been to or played at, but the fear is always there haha.

No no, I meant MUCH like shows, I hate shitting at reh. spaces. I never in my life shit at a show. If it ever came down to it, I would shit in an alley and find some form of wipe like a leaf or perhaps my own hand before cutting a turd in some of the horrible dumps I've been in over the years.

ah, gotcha. i read that wrong.

Android users: make bank while you shit.
http://www.appbrain.com/app/poop-salary/com.poopsalary

someone left a shit smear on the wall in our bathroom. good lord people.

god loves skidmarx

shITtiNg at WOrk is A trADitIon ThaT TakeS plAcE boTH inSiDE anD OUT OF THE FUCKING CUBICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! moST rEpOrtS yoY haND to YOur bOss aRe NothIng MoRE trHan utTeR sHt cloGGing up thE wOrk PLace and INdeeD mUCh of The rEAL wORLD wITH yOUR eFF ORTS To Make It A GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCK TITSCREW WALT'S ROAST BEEF BETTER GOD DAMN ASS FUCK PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thAt rePOrt yOu wERe trAinEd tO dO is NotHinG moRE thAN a DefEcaTiOn oN SOCIETY'S ZIT COVERED FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!