Forum.RttP{story about a crazy homeless guy}

First of all this is probably gonna be a long drawn out story involving drugs and behavior that doesnt reflect well on one who's been relatively conscious for 24 years, so if this isnt something youd be interested in reading then fuck off. Im bored,stoned and have nothing better to do than this so here goes.

I was in Austin Texas for 6 months or so and in that time I hung out with a fellow named Andrew. Not Kinslayer. This is a different Andrew. Anyways, it was maybe a week or so after Halloween of last year, Andrew and I had been tripping all weekend on DXM because once again it was the only hallucinogen i could get my hands on at the time. It was sunday and the sun was just about to start going down. We were coming down as well and decided it was safe to go out for a bite in downtown Austin. I shouldve known better because every other time ive gone out in public with even a hint of enhanced consciousness something fucking wierd happened but ONCE AGAIN i decided that the odds were in my favor this time and that itd be ok. I was wrong. Again.
So we made it downtown just fine. Smoked a joint on the way, found a parking space right away and felt relatively good about our venture outdoors. Afterall it was a sunday night, why should there be any trouble? The place of food consumption that specializes in pizza that we had in mind was about a block or so up the road alongside the famous university of texas clocktower that our friend decided to play in a few years back. Of course we werent thinking of that really because we were still kind of tripping and more concerned about not walking into someone. I just thought id throw that in there to let you know where we were. Anyways so we were walking, yea. And everything was fine. Even the guy that walked past us having a very heated and in-depth conversation with himself didnt phaze us as we were too focused on nutrients our bodies desparately craved. We made it to the pizza place in one piece and had a swell time eating and drinking beer and coming down off of a two day rollercoaster trip that I had sworn to myself would be my last. For awhile at least. Although anyone who really knows me knows thats a promise doomed to failure.
So we were done eating and the only thing left to do was get back to the cave, get high and go to bed looking forward to the day off I had the next day to truly recover from the weekends festivities. The walk back to the car seemed longer but we werent as fucked up as we were on the way to the restraunt and it didnt bother us anyways. What did bother us was the crazy fucking old guy that had passed us earlier arguing with himself magically appeared walking behind us on our way to the car talking to the two of us and whoever was with him that we couldnt see. Thankfully he and his invisible friend had managed to set aside their differences as he was walking with us so the only problem was that he was fucking walking with us and muttering in a mixture of english and a language i didnt recognize. As the three, sorry, four of us were walking together our new friend(s) got sidetracked by another crazy talkative old guy sitting against a building and freed us of his creepy slimy lovecraftian demon-homeless guy vibes. The two of us felt a sigh of relief as we realized we'd be making it back to the car alone.
'Good', i thought to myself. 'The inevitable wierd part of my trip was mercifully short.'
HOWEVER.....across the street came trumping over a dark hulky figure that was clearly having trouble setting each foot in front of the other in a suspiciously similar manner to the trouble we'd been having with our feet all weekend. I said to myself/Andrew:

'That guys fucking tripping.'

Andrew saw the guy too.

'Yea look at how he's walking. We were walking like that last night.'

By then the guy had made it across the street and had stopped in front of us. He was about 5'9, had short dark hair, was wearing a shirt with a dragon on it and was obviously having an interesting night. And then he spoke.

'Hey do you guys know where i can find the goths and satanists that hang around here?'

Andrew and I looked at each other. We didn't know. Nor did we care.

'No. Why?'

'I just wanted to tell them that its better to use weapons and violence as opposed to spells and curses as their affects are faster and more....affective.'

'OK........i guess I can agree with that. You're tripping aren't you?'

'DUDE IM TRIPPING FUCKING BALLS RIGHT NOW!!!!!'

'DUDE!!! SO ARE WE!!! Or we were. What are you on right now?'

'DXM'

'DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!'

'Hey...' He looked around. 'You guys wanna get fucked up again?'

As he said this he pulled a little plastic bottle of a certain cough spray-mist that neither I nor Andrew had seen before out of his backpack. He explained to us that this little bottle held more DXM in it than we would get from eating an entire box of coricidine AND it wouldnt make us sick or comatose. Andrew and I looked at each other with looks of matching skepticism but quickly returned our gaze to the bottle. Could it be true? Could this little fucking itty bitty bottle of fucking cough spray get us more fucked up than an entire box of ccc's? And if so how the fuck did I not know about it already??? We had to find out. Afterall, I had the day off the next day and i hadnt REALLY REALLY REALLY promised myself I wouldnt trip again.

'Yes we would like to get fucked up....again.'

So sure enough like a couple of retarded fucking retarded retards we had this crazy drug-influenced homeless guy who's name we hadnt learned yet in the back of our car discussing Nitche on the way back to our place. Everything was fine. We were still kind of tripping. He was REALLY fucking tripping and very soon we would be too. All would be well.
We made it back just fine, got settled, loaded the bong and smoked as our new friend who's name we discovered was Zeke passed us each our own bottle of magical DXM cough-spray candy. With a cheers, a bottoms-up and a couple of wierd faces our bottles were empty. The taste was a sort of soapy/minty/cherry kind of mixture and tasted like butthole to be honest but it was only a shots worth of liquid so the gagging was brief. Andrew and I again exchanged our skeptical looks as we couldnt fathom the idea of being more incoherent than we were the night before. Especially not from the result of drinking a few drops of some mystery cherry-mint piss.
Well we were wrong. He was right. Good lord he was right. We were fine the first 15 min or so. Still smoking and listening to cds playing over silent films when it finally hit us. I wish i could tell you everything that happened because it was a crazy fucking trip but theres oly a few key points in the night that i remember which ill share with you if youre still with me.
A large portion of the night was spent smoking and watching old horror moviesbut as the night passed on into the early morning Andrew and I were beginning to wonder just who the fuck this guy really was. Neither of us really said much because he was right there in the fucking room with us but both of us were well aware of the others growing discomfort with this guys company. What started it was his constant bitching about every cd we'd put on to listen to. Nothing was heavy or violent enough. Before he'd even listened to it. So what the fuck? AND he kept going on about how he was going to write 'The next Satanic Bible'. He'd brought this up several times and at this point was asking Andrew who was off in Andrewland to find him a notepad and a pen so he can write this epic novel of satanic enlightenment that had apparently been aching to get out for years. Andrew eventually got up and found him these things just to shut him up and Zeke in turn asked if he could begin writing in Andrews bathroom to which he said 'sure' just to get him the fuck away from us for a few minutes. Finally Andrew and I had a chance to compare notes and come to some sort of conclusion as to what should be done. Matters like these needed to be handled delicately. As soon as I heard the bathroom door shut I turned to Andrew.

'Dude....what the fuckitty fuckin fuck-fuck? This guy sucks.'

Andrew turned to look at me with black eyes and a look of 'huh?' on his face.

'He said he wakes up with bugs on his skin.....HE'S GOT BUGS ON HIS SKIN!!!'

'What?'

'What? I dont know? What'd you say before? Lets smoke a boll.'

'Werd.'

So we did. And we forgot all about the crazy fuckin homeless guy we didnt really know and brought home who was still locked in Andrews bathroom doing god knows what to his toothbrush. Needless to say the conclusion and plan of action we'd been searching for had been forgotten as well.
It was around four in the morning or so when we remembered we had a guest who had been absent for the past few hours. Andrew and I were definitely peaking at that point which we didnt think was possible because we were sure wed been peaking the past three hours before hand. I looked up from staring at the carpet and said:

'Dude Im waaaaaay more fucked up than i thought id be. Hey.....isnt there a homeless guy thats still in your bathroom?'

'Yea. Shit he's been in there awhile I think. What the fuck is he doing in there?'

We decided it was time to check on the homeless guy in Andrews bathroom. We crept up to the door. All the lights at andrews place were turned off but we made our way to his bathroom easily because we could see the light shining from under the door. We put our ears close to the door. Neither of us could hear a thing.

'What the fuck is he doing in there???' I whispered.

'I dont know.' Andrew whispered back 'Shit. He's in my fucking bathroom what the fuck is he doing in there??????'

'UUUUH.......HEY ZEKE.......YOUVE BEEN IN THERE FOR LIKE THREE HOURS. WERE COMING IN.'

The door was locked but Andrew had an outside key in case he ever locked himself out of his own bathroom and we let ourselves in. Zeke didnt seem to notice and was crouched in the corner with his back turned to us scribbling on the note-pad Andrew had given him.

'Uh......hey buddy........whatcha writin' there?'

No answer.

We looked at each other quietly with looks that couldve said a number of things that all boiled down to 'Why the fuck did we bring this guy home with us?'

'Uh...............HEY ZEKE!!!!!' *clap clap*

Zeke jumped and turned with a startled look on his face and then smiled which didnt make either of us feel any better.

'Look at THIS!!!'

It was a fairly elaborate drawing of a coiled dragon surrounded by flames, 666's, and some made-up sigils here and there. It was actually kind of cool in a middle school metalhead kind of way but we didnt have time for that. Right now we needed this guy out of Andrews bathroom so we could eventually find a way to get him out of Andrews house. Baby steps yes but we were fucked up. We had recognized our mistake and steps were being taken to improve our situation.

'Its gonna be the cover of my new satanic bible!!!!!!'

'Youve been in here for three hours drawing this?'

'Yea!!!!! Ive been in here for three hours?'

'Yes.'

'Oh......well Im not done yet, give me another hour or so.'

'Nah dude lets go back to the living room and smoke a boll.'

'No but I need to-'

'No. Were taking you back into the living room. Youre coming with us.'

Reluctantly our friend Zeke agreed and was escorted back into the living room where we sat around smoking for another half hour or so, basically trying to get things back to normal which was impossible because we were still peaking. We didnt say much to each other. At least nothing intelligible. Then Zeke started talking about how he absolutely had to be at Guadalupe and Lamar (which was in downtown Austin, an area we were not anywhere near at the time) at 8:30 in the morning which was in a few hours. Andrew and I basically told him that he'd better get off his ass and start walking because there was no way in hell either of us were driving anywhere withing the next few hours. THEN he starts telling us that he's got some sort of appointment with the army or something at some office downtown and that he absolutely needed to be there. Or something. Whatever it was was irrelevant. What was inportant was that I remembered at that moment the bus stop at the Taco Cabana right outside our apartment complex.

'HEY!!!' I said with forced optimism 'You could take the bus!!!!'

'What bus?'

'The bus that stops right around here! Goes right downtown!'

I was lying but Andrew picked up right away and chimed in

'Yea itll get you there in no time but youd better leave quick before you miss it!'

'But I dont have any money.'

'Here!!!' My hand shot into my pocket and pulled out all the loose change I had with a few guitar picks and some pocket lint.

'I dont think thats enough.' Zeke said

'Well HERE!!! CHECK THIS OUT!!!!' Andrew jumps up, grabs a jar full of pennies, empties it into a ziplok bag and runs it over to Zeke.

Zeke looks at us, then the change in his hand, then the ziplok bag full of pennies, then back at us again and says

'Guess what! Ive talked it over with my sargeant. He says I can stay! I guess Ill sleep here then.'

'Nah dude we wouldnt want you to miss your appointment! What kind of friends would we be if we let that happen? C'mon! Lets go!! Quick before you miss the bus!'

'Maybe I should just sleep here-'

'NOPE WE GOTTA GO LETS GO.'

I grabbed the car keys and started walking out the door with Zeke's backpack because I knew he'd follow me if I had his bag. Which he did. Andrew locked the door behind us and followed us to the car. We got in and started driving out of the complex but as we pulled toward the exit I realized that Zeke could very easily walk right back to Andrews apartment the second we dropped him off because the fucking bus stop was literally ten feet from the complex. So as soon as we pulled out rather than turn right towards the Taco Cabana where the bus stop was I immediately floored it to the left so Zeke would start looking in the direction we were driving and proceeded to take the 'scenic route'. I hoped he hadnt seen the Taco Cabana because if he had we were fucked but it was my only chance.
Zeke however seemed more concerned with whether or not this bus would actually take him downtown. To be honest we had no idea where that fucking bus would take him.

'Are you sure this bus goes to Guadalupe and Lamar?'

'Oh SURE!!! The bus driver knows EXACTLY where youre going. Everythings gonna be just fine....'

We drove around the neighborhood for about fifteen minutes or so taking random turns everywhere all the while reassuring Zeke of his confirmed destination and eventually made it to the Taco Cabana coming from the opposite side of Andrews apartment complex.

'Well....here's your stop! Take care! Dont forget to give the bus driver this!' We handed Zeke his ziplok bag of pennies

'Ok.....thanks......'

As soon as zeke stepped out of the car we fucking floored it, made a loop and started driving back the way we came which might seem ridiculous since Andrews apartment was barely 50 feet away but there was no way in hell we were leading that asshole back to our place. Besides a celebratory smoking of joints was in order.
When we made it back to Andrews we'd almost forgotten everything that happened because of all the trouble we were having in the car trying to get the cd we wanted to listen to out of the case and into the cd player. When we got back it all seemed like a dream. We were both thoroughly out of our minds at that point and I was convinced that our guest wasnt human at all but in fact some sort of lesser demon sent to fuck with us that night and I needed to walk back to the Taco Cabana to see if he was still there.
It was Five in the morning. The next bus wasnt going to be coming for another two and a half hours but Zeke didnt know that of course. Surely he'd still be waiting there. If not then there was no other logical explanation other than that he was a malevolent spirit manifesting itself in human form for some reason we didnt yet understand. Not that he might be at the gas station taking a piss or something. Nope. He was a demon.
So Andrew and I snuck back over to the Taco Cabana looking fearfully around our shoulders and every corner on the way wondering if the Demon Zeke might be waiting for us. On our walk over there we stumbled across a deer that probably scared us way more than we scared him. It was dark and we couldnt see shit. All we could see was antlers and hooves. Anyways we finally made it back to the Taco Cabana and hid in some bushes.
We could see the bus stop. But we couldnt see Zeke anywhere. So we walked a little closer when Andrew stopped me.

'He's right there!' He whispered quicky

'Fuck! Where?!?'

'Right THERE!'

Zeke, whos face we couldnt see, was sitting in the middle of the Taco Cabana drive thu scribbling into the notepad Andrew had given him earlier while the Taco Cabana employees who were getting ready for the day to begin looked in awe and confusion at the fucking wierdo sitting in their drive thru not quite sure what to do about it.
The fact that no matter what angle we looked at him from we couldnt see his face because of a bush or pole or whatever may be in the way unnerved us a bit but by then I was more or less convinced he was human and decided that this shit was fucking hilarious. I wish I could give you some sort of epic conclusion to the story but thats about it. The next hour or so was spent with the two of us giggling in the bushes looking at the crazy guy who we didnt have to deal with anymore but the Taco Cabana employees did. I guess the moral of the story is 'dont fucking bring home homeless guys you just met no matter how much fun it might seem at the time.'