Today I got a call from my friend Jared asking if I wanted to eat at a kebab place. To me, the word 'kebab' conjured up very specific things. Chunks of onions, peppers, steak and chicken impaled through a razor-sharp metal skewer. There's no downside to it. The closest to a downside is if you horribly mangle your lips and/or cheeks with the skewer, and then you get to have the reconstructive facial surgery you've always wanted.

But, this was not to me. In this instance, 'kebab' meant The Kebab Factory, and The Kebab Factory meant Indian food.

First of all, we walked in and stood there. Not knowing or given a clue as to whether we seat ourselves or not. Just glared at by the Indian staff the way Indian people always seem to glare at white people. Hey, I'm a big fan of both Ravi Shankar and convenience stores, so don't look at me like we're not friends.

They seat us, and then walk away. Then glare at us some more for a few minutes. They finally come over and tell us we can get started on the buffet. The buffet which is basically tin after tin of what looks to be potatoes or mangled lamb's bladders in dirty melted cheese. Only when I saw it, all I could see was twelve buckets of shit. I knew it was going to fly through me, but at least it wouldn't look much different when it came out again.

I was barely able to choke down half my plate. It was hard work, since I had to multi-task... I was eating AND fighting the urge to scream 'GIVE ME A CHEESEBURGER YOU CHRISTLESS HEATHENS'. After all that, it took them about twenty minutes to ask us if we were done. We said yes, and they took my plate and walked off. I had to wait another few minutes before they figured out we might like to pay our bill and FUCKING LEAVE.

Which leads me to the following letter to the president--

Dear President Bush,

I went to an Indian restaurant today. They were very rude to me. Please kill every person in their country.

Warmest Regards,
Rich Horror

P.S. Please have the jets blasting 'Kepone Factory' be Dead Kennedys before they bomb India. My friend realized he had that song in his head because 'The Kebab Factory' sounds very similar to 'Kepone Factory'. I figure if they have to die, they should know who FUCKED THEM OVER.

I can picture Rich Horror being the new host on Phantom Gormet.

gorse

Thank you, Come Again!

Wrong:

restaurant

gourmet

gross

i spelled it gorse on purpose

John, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Kepone Factory, Minimata!!!!!!!!!!!

Indian food is way better than any kebab.

You are obviously a terrorist.

You could have gone to RF O'sullivans down the street and had the best burger of you life! Im not sure why anyone in sommerville would eat anywhere else

Because my friends go to college and get their heads filled with new age faggotry,

watchmaker666 said:

i need to experience a burger of this quality

hmmm, I cant imagine anyone who goes to college could be so foolish

Folks, its Kabob.

great thread. I pledge to continue the tradition of restaraunt review threads.

powerkok said:

kebab is the original spelling of the word. kabob is a derivation.

dreadkill said:

You will not be disappointed, half pound hand packed to order! The place was freaking packed when I went in so plan accordingly

Rich should start his own review column, Fuck the Phantom.

watchmaker666 said:

i don't know, Stanley's in Central Falls is the only thing that keeps the rest of RI from burying everyone there alive and starting over. Greasy little burgers smothered in onions handmade by an ancient, haggard Polock? THUMBS FUCKING UP. best burgers in rhode island, no contest.


ps. anybody here that's polish and from northern ri? im just wondering if anyone else has noticed the recent resurgence of polish stores and social clubs in cf/pawtucket/attleboro...don't call it a comeback!

the burgers at that practice space in taunton are the best i've had yet.

Houston's has some of the best burgers
fuds are alright but kinda expensive.

dreadkill said:

Then you are a fucking moron.

intelligence cannot be qualified by burgers.

That shows what you know.

Burgers