Forum.RttP{8/26-Cherry Street Station(ct) Home Pharmacy, The Departed, The Zimmerman Note, The_Network, This Years Addiction, Human Bone Bicycle Sciences Industries, Sea of Bones, Art is Lost}

Sean, this is getting very old and super fucking annoying. Just like you. I never wanted to fight you. I never wanted to hurt you. I am neither happy nor proud of what happened. I am very disappointed but not in myself. I stood up for myself and that I am proud of. You have a TON of problems. But that's ok, we all do. You just don't know how to deal with them. I understand that you have been through a lot. Life can really suck sometimes. I know, trust me. I really have not wanted to get into this, but you have left me no choice. I know you have been leaving these comments. I can see right through you. If it was just a joke to you, you would have let it go a long time ago. Anyway, no one else in the whole word, actually, would have any reason to harass me like this. But as you know, I have not in any way tried to neither antagonize you nor harass you. EVER!!! Our bands met at the Bomb Shelter and we talked about touring together. I felt that financially it was not the best idea at the time, there wasn’t enough time to really plan it out especially since we had to purchase a van, but I support my band and I was open to it. When Robbiey and I came to Boston to hang out with you guys - that was my idea. I felt that I wanted to get to know you guys before we spent all that time together. I didn't have anything against you. I just wanted to get to know you guys. I am a very outgoing, friendly, caring, and sensitive person. I am intelligent and I like to have a good time. I like to make jokes and laugh but NOT at other people's expense. EVERYBODY will tell you that. BUT when I feel like I am being picked on and I did, right from the start, I protect myself and I get quiet. And that's not good, Sean, because I'm boiling inside. And then it's just a matter of time before I EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have known all this just from how intense my vocals can get. I am anything but average and you should have left me alone right from the start. I can handle immaturity directed at me, even though I don't like to play Mom. With immature people that's where I get put and that's why I get quiet and for some reason that's when you picked on me more. Bad move. So when we were walking on Harvard Ave. in Allston when Brian and Robbiey were ahead of us and I'm talking to you just trying to get to know you and a young woman walks by and you say to her, "Can I touch you?" I couldn't believe it! And when I told you that was wrong you said to me, "I wouldn't say that to a normally dressed girl." What the fuck Sean, are you scared of a woman's body? Is that it? Just because she had a figure and was dressed up that means she's a slut? You know what, maybe you don't know this so I'll explain it to you: Some women have large breasts and some women don't. No matter what some women wear, their bodies can not be hidden from jerks like you. Some women have long slender legs and others have beautiful curvy hips. Some women no matter what they put on look sexy. But it's not just because they take care of themselves or because they have the “right genetics”. It's not what they have but how they feel about themselves. Some women love their bodies and are confident. That's sexy. A woman does not need to have large breasts or be skinny to be attractive. That girl ignored you, more power to her; she wasn't going to waste her time with you. She had places to go, people to see, a good time to have. BUT I was left there standing in shock and embarrassment because I was associated with you. I understand that you are not stupid and you realize that some women are insecure and they try to get attention with their body which only gets them the wrong attention and is potentially dangerous. But you didn't know that woman and if you assumed correctly and she was that type of person you didn't do her any favors but probably strengthened her mistrust for men. If you really want to help insecure people then befriend them and help them see their own strengths, don't insult them but give friendly advice and speak only about sensitive topics when you feel you they trust you otherwise they won't listen or care what you have to say. People need to care about what you think and feel that you care about them if you want to criticize someone and have them listen to you. You can't affect them if they don't care. For example, all the choice words that you said to me and wrote about me in your live journal did not affect me because I don't give a fuck about what you think. I DON'T CARE. The only reason that I am writing all this right now is because I want to put an end to this. I don't ever want to see you again. I refuse to play any shows with you. I don't ever want to talk about this. It's a waste of my precious time. I have shows that I came on here today to post. I'm upset because this tread is about a show that we are hosting this Friday and it has to be tainted with these ridiculous entries. But the show will not suffer and it's going to be fun! We always have a great time! That's why we do it! That's why people want to play with us! That’s why people want to see us! I want to do more of that and less of this!

You know what's funny; I'll make fun of the way I look and MY insecurities before I make fun of anyone else. Did you notice that in the most heated moment with you I did not attack your appearance, that’s what most people will attack, whether it’s true or not. I don't take cheap shots. I'm better than that. I had a real reason to be angry. We brought you with us to Return To The Pit. After that, when you were complaining about how you sounded, is when I made my first entry ever on this board and it was to thank Aaron, everyone there and you guys. I also wanted to tell you that you had done a great job and not to worry about the recording, it just didn’t come out good. I took the time to listen while you guys were on. And my intentions were only good. Then someone started posting anonymously about how horrible we were. When I defended my band I was shocked to see the post you made. Your response to me getting upset at the kid for being stupid was that you wanted to see me wrestle in a tub of Jell-O with Jessica Simpson. I didn’t post anything after that. I waited until I saw you at the RI show that night.

I wanted to talk to you about it. I asked you if I could please speak to you privately. You refused to do that. Another bad decision. I was upset because even though I didn’t agree with you on some things up until then I was still willing to work things out. I thought maybe you didn’t realize that I was a person that did not welcome comments such as those. I thought maybe you didn’t realize that when a woman gets that kind of attention when she is not one who has asked for it (like what you thought was going on with the woman on Harvard Ave.) things can turn ugly. The truth is that there is nothing funny about it. I do not want people to come see my band because they want to check out my tits, or imagine me jumping on a trampoline in a bikini, or sucking their dick. That’s where it leads to, Sean. That type of attitude and imagery is a disgusting contagious disease and it spreads like wildfire. I want to vomit at the thought of you thinking about me in a sexual way. I’m never going to be a porn star, I’m never going to get in a ring, lather myself up in the lubricant of your choice, and wrestle with some other girl who you think is hot.

And don’t pretend to be innocent, you post porn on here when you find a new image to jerk off to and want everyone to think you’re cool and do the same. I like shaking people’s hands at shows, laughing, talking, and having a good time. Human beings are complicated and Sex is a wonderful aspect of life but like everything, healthy has its limits and there is a dysfunctional side to it also. I wasn’t born yesterday, I know the difference between someone respecting me and picturing me naked. I’ve met a million people like you and you’re all the same. Sad and pathetic. And I REFUSE to make myself unattractive because I don’t what people like you looking at me. That’s insecurity and depression. I do it for me and me only. I have a wonderful supportive boyfriend who I love and our relationship is real and awesome. It’s challenging and rewarding. We both work hard at it just like we do in the rest of our lives. I can only wish for you that kind of fulfillment someday. Love is the best!

Keep in mind that at this point I was still willing to talk to you. I didn’t go there to throw punches. Had I, you would have wound up in the hospital and I would have been arrested. I wouldn’t have asked to speak with you privately. I would not have tried to reason with you. I would not have shed a tear. I tried telling you all this, you refused to listen, I got upset. You told me you didn’t give a fuck, I had been a bitch at the RTTP to Dave and that’s when you lost any respect you had for me. If you had talked to me about this before attacking me I would have explained to you that I had not meant to make Dave upset. By the way, after all this, Dave told Robbiey he was never upset, that was all you talking. I would have told you that I had never, ever been in any type of recording facility before. I just started doing vocals last summer. I had never been on the radio. I was the only woman there. I didn’t feel good that day. I had just driven very far, I was tense from the drive because we got lost and I was worried about being late. I was exhausted. Sometimes at practice I like to stand on a milk crate when I scream. So what? I just do. If you look, you’ll notice I stand on my toes sometimes at shows. So I went and got a milk crate and then I got ready. When you guys did your set we left you alone to do your thing and listened in the other room. When it was our turn, you guys were in the room with us. So I said, “I didn’t realize there were going to be other people in here with us.” Dave was sitting behind me and I told him that I felt like he could see up my skirt. I didn’t mean he was looking up my skirt. Or that he wanted to. I have never had any problems with Dave. He has always been very nice to me. I meant that I FELT that he could see and that made me feel exposed. But I didn’t want to not stand on the milk crate because I felt better standing on it. I can see the symbols better that way and a lot of my vocals are synchronized with them. Same thing at shows, it’s not that I don’t want to look at the crowd; I’m just watching the drums. I get into it. So what? I didn’t ask Dave to leave. I didn’t want him to feel that I did not want him there; I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But look what happened anyway.

You wouldn’t listen and then my frustration and anger took over. I didn’t want to fight you. I didn’t want to embarrass you. I wanted to explain to you that I was working hard on making this tour happen and comments like what was posted that day made me very upset and I couldn’t believe they came from someone that I was working with and was soon to be spending some intense close time with. I gave in to my frustration of not being understood. As you can see from how long this post has become; being understood and making myself clear is very important to me.

Now that I have posted all this you will try to deny that these recent comments have been from you. That’s why you didn’t log in to post them; you have that to hide behind. I don’t give a fuck Sean, you brought this on and even IF this isn’t you, it’s simply your fault and exactly the type of contagious disease that I spoke of earlier.

I am an adult and I suggest that you grow up and face reality, stop complaining, dwelling on bad shit. Life is too short to spend it being negative. You let the whole word know how depressed you feel, be glad I am not someone that will take advantage of your weaknesses and stab you where it hurts most. I honestly feel bad for you. I know it’s hard to be alive sometimes. But understand something; people have been around for a long time and anything that ever happens to you has already happened to millions of other people. It doesn’t make it hurt less but you have to realize you are not alone on this planet. Your problem is that you feel alone. You play guitar, great! Also understand that this music is not for the light hearted. The people in this music have all been through shit. We all have something in common. We are not stupid. Sometimes the curse is just that. The fact that we SEE it and REALIZE it and we can’t escape it. No matter how hard we try. Be careful, running away from your problems or taking them out on other people will not make your life better. Even if some have had good times growing up, we realize that life is fucked up. From politics to human nature to families to violence to injustices to everything. Even IF your life is great all you have to do is look around and then you see something to get angry about. I’m not saying that I’m angry every time I perform, No. But it does help me to not hold on to all those feelings that are overwhelming. I don’t have to tell you that it’s a release like no other. Do things that are good for you. Concentrate on that. Take it one day at a time and don’t forget to breathe. I don't believe that you are a bad person; I just think you make bad choices. And if you are not ready to do all that that's ok too, then just LEAVE ME ALONE! Right now you are fucking with a person who is not going to let you fuck with her or disrespect her in any way. I am not threatening to kick your ass again. I am promising you that if this does not stop you will have more problems than you do now. Please do think about my advice now that I have wasted way too much of my day on this bullshit, show me you learned something and disappear! Like a fucking magic trick. Get lost!

You are not going to win this so STOP! Let me live my life without reminding me everyday that there is an insecure little boy out there in a man's body jealous and embarrassed. Because that is all that you're really doing when you leave these comments. You're just telling everybody that you fucked up and you can't get over it. So please, for your own sake, just let it go..............

MonikaHBBSI said: