Forum.RttP{The top 10 ways to make a 4-year-old cry}

10. Hit him with a fly swatter. Four-year-olds are really tricky. You see, if you were trying to make a grown person cry, smacking them across the face with a baseball bat would be your first instinct, right? You can't do that with four-year-olds. Remember, if they die instantly, they won't cry. This isn't a list of ways to kill four-year-olds...what kind of sickos do you think we are? So anyway, your average fly swatter won't knock him unconscious or anything, provided you swing it like a normal fly swatter and not like some sort of warhammer.

9. Chase him around the kitchen table, or just through the family room, or wherever you want. He's a 4-year-old, so he's going to have to run pretty fast to get away from you, since his legs are so small. He'll be trying pretty hard to get away from you, too, since you just hit him with a fly swatter. Anyway, he hasn't been walking all that long, so before long he'll trip and fall. It doesn't matter how plush the surface he lands on is or isn't—he falls, he cries. He falls on gravel, he cries harder. That's just how it works.

8. Play "airplane" with him. You know, you tuck him under one of your arms, have him spread out his arms and swing him around while making "vrooooom!" sounds. At the height of his giggling and excitement, grab one of his arms and snap it quickly and cleanly.

7. Tell him Grandma died. This is even easier if Grandma really did die and you can show him the body, or shut him inside the casket with her.

6. Lock him out of every bathroom in the house. Give him a huge glass of soda so he thinks you like him, then just wait.

5. Get really really drunk and then sucker-punch his mom. You might need to sucker-punch his dad, too, though, if he comes in and starts wondering who you are, what you're doing in their house, and why you're trying to make his kid cry. That's the big problem with using somebody else's 4-year-old.

4. Ask him if he wants to play football/hockey/basketball/wrestle/etc. (any sport he likes will work, but contact sports are better). Then try as hard as you can to win.

3. Drive about half a mile down the road, then throw him out of the car and make him walk home.

2. Cook steaks for dinner. When he asks what it is, tell him it's his dog. Optionally, plant a little fur on the food.

1. Take him to the store, and wheel him through the candy aisle. When he says he wants something, say no. Continue saying no when he keeps asking. It will take a lot of perseverance, and will probably remind you of what a cruel and cold-hearted person you are, because remember: GOOD PARENTS NEVER MAKE THEIR CHILDREN CRY. After 15-20 minutes, if you just can't take it any more, give in and buy the fat little prick some candy. He probably learned his lesson anyway.