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returntothepit >> discuss >> 50 Ways to piss off a metal head (from another board) by Lynneaus on Sep 13,2004 6:56pm
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toggletoggle post by Lynneaus  at Sep 13,2004 6:56pm
hahaha this cracks me up



50 ways to piss off a metalhead

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.
2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of
them.
3. Hide their joint under their library card.
4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot.
5. If they're listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream
band. Doesn't matter who.
6. Say it's all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway.
7. Ask if they've given their souls to Jesus yet.
8. Vaguely imply that you're gay and would like their company for the
evening.
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse
albums and see if they ever notice the difference.
10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D.
11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little.
12. Use the phrase "cookie monster vocals" and act like it's the funniest,
most original thing you've ever come up with.
13. If they're listening to metal, tell them "These guys don't have talent.
Now, those guys have talent!"
14. Say "What is vinyl?"
15. Point out how stupid Manowar is. If they agree, which they shouldnt,
tell them the only thing more stupid is Black Sabbath with Dio.
16. Tell them it all sounds the same.
17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked
musically.
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison.
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like Godsmack.
20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can't sing.
21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe.
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band.
23. Divert their CD shipments to the local community center.
24. Write "God Loves You" on their Venom backpatch.
25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with
bands who have integrity, so metal really isn't that unique.
26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder shits
all over John Arch.
27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent.
28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep.
29. Pronounce "Celtic Frost" correctly.
30. If they're over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an
unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh.
31. Tell them you're not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the
street.
32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show.
33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds.
34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver.
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s.
36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo.
37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show.
38. Call Doro fat.
39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling.
40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse
them of being widgets.
41. Use the phrase "balls in a vice" at least three times when talking about
classic metal and/or power metal vocalists.
42. If it's a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don't
correct yourself about it.
43. Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past
ten years.
44. Say you love Metallica's debut, The Black Album.
45. Notice that Lemmy hasn't moved his left hand in 30 years of playing
bass. Haha.
46. Refer to metal as "that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff."
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever
heard of them.
48. Pine for the good old days when Pour Some Sugar On Me was a big hit.
49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you
started listening to more intellectual stuff .
50. Post a list of "Ways To Annoy Metal Fans" knowing full well that so many
of them internalize everything and can't take a joke.



toggletoggle post by Dissector   at Sep 13,2004 7:00pm
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse
albums and see if they ever notice the difference.

That one was hilarious!!!! The rest I think are stupid.



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Sep 13,2004 7:11pm
hey! that's aimd at me isn't it?



toggletoggle post by Assuck   at Sep 13,2004 7:21pm
its funny cause my douche-bag cousin said like 3 of those things to me last weekend. and then i made him pee himself.



toggletoggle post by Dissector   at Sep 13,2004 7:23pm
Hell I say half of those things. Ecpecially number 8. tehehe.



toggletoggle post by intricateprocess   at Sep 13,2004 8:07pm
the kill your father rape your mother one is so true


i cant tell you how many times i have seriously heard someone say that to me



toggletoggle post by Dissector   at Sep 13,2004 8:08pm
Really? Because usually I hear "Rape Your Mother Kill Your Father".



toggletoggle post by blue  at Sep 13,2004 8:18pm
for me, its usually kill your mother, rape your dog.



toggletoggle post by TheGreatSpaldino   at Sep 13,2004 8:50pm
the funny thing is... i can tell the difference between every Cannibal Corpse album... although the last two can be sort of tough to distinguish sometimes...



toggletoggle post by Joe/NotCommon   at Sep 13,2004 9:49pm
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson's band.
Hahaha.



toggletoggle post by Kalopsia   at Sep 13,2004 11:20pm
the cannibal corpse one is just stupid



toggletoggle post by Paul FOD at Sep 13,2004 11:23pm
lol some good shit there I had some kid actually ask me If I litsened to "that kill ya mother shit" it was quite funny



toggletoggle post by Abbath at Sep 13,2004 11:52pm
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s.
hahahahahha awesome! just reading this list was pissing me off



toggletoggle post by dEoDIUMmORTIS  at Sep 14,2004 12:45am
I always refer to power metal as "clamp on your balls." I even co-wrote a power metal tribute song of the same title.



toggletoggle post by BornSoVile   at Sep 14,2004 12:48am
hahah, i always tell random people it's "kill yah mutha kill yah father" music, or "cut your flesh and worship satan shit"



toggletoggle post by Kalopsia   at Sep 14,2004 1:22am
Paul FOD said:
lol some good shit there I had some kid actually ask me If I litsened to "that kill ya mother shit" it was quite funny



i used to get that all the time in high school. i hated it so much



toggletoggle post by the_reverend   at Sep 14,2004 3:21am



toggletoggle post by Todd(bombshelter) at Sep 14,2004 4:37am
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever
heard of them.

That has to be my favorite one.



toggletoggle post by Mike FOD at Sep 14,2004 10:13am
Paul FOD said:
lol some good shit there I had some kid actually ask me If I litsened to "that kill ya mother shit" it was quite funny


"Kid, you listen to ISIS, kill your mother shit??" Worst guy...



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