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:	post by Dan Hammer at 2014-02-13 18:33:30

We need your help to finish our new album, make a music video, get fans, learn to write songs that aren't just lazy Gamma Ray retreads, and tour in support!

We have been painstakingly working on our second album, "Coasting on Your Dollar", for two years running now. The album is nearing completion, and we are in need of funds to finish production and bring the album to you and also I'm gonna need some new hair extensions.

We want to give this album a proper release, which means we will be touring, releasing a music video in support, pretending real labels are interested in this shit, and making new merch, probably with lots of anime boobs because we know our fans are functional adults that leave their parents' basement for more than just Cheetos and Magic cards. Maybe there will be a meme! You like those, right? All these things are expensive to do, so we are hoping for some help from you guys, since nobody is honestly going to invest anything in this farce and expect a return.

You'll notice some of our perks are pretty interesting, if you've sustained a long period without oxygen, and that's because we want anyone who's helps us to be involved as much as possible and literally pay to advertise a) our band and b) their gullibility. We want to do this with us in mind and bring you music that will fool you into paying for our hobby.
What We Need & What You Get

These funds will go towards:
1) Production of the "Coasting on Your Dollar" album
2) A music video for your own porn fantasy, "2 girls 1 cup"-style. (Disclaimer: We only have 1.5 girl.)
3) Tours (there is the $7000 West coast incentive, but we're not above milking your parents for more)
4) Hair extensions

So donate now! Because you're just going to waste it on Bitcoins and Naruto fleshlights, anyway.

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