TheFilthyFrenchman said

[orig][quote]

I managed to bang a thick heifer on our recent tour.

So we played a house party in Richmond Va, and somebody had set up a crocodile mile. I watched as several chicks ran down it, and then noticed this land beast preparing to take the plunge. She worked up a good amount of momentum and her fat roles took on a life of their own. She hit the crocodile mile at a slightly wrong angle and began to drift. As she hit the dirt her titty popped out and she rolled on the ground. I decided right there that I had to bang her.

The night progressed and after a little corn whiskey and watching her deep throat our water gun penis from dave’s pants, I convinced her to let me sleep in her room. I jump into her bed in my underwear, but her equally fat necked friend won’t get the fuck out. I entertain the idea of a threesome (which would have looked funny as hell seeing as they had me by about 300 lbs), but I didn’t want to get a broken bone on tour so I waited till her friend left.

So I start to bang her and everything is going hilariously as planned. Let me say for the record that fat chicks have remarkable pussies as they don’t see sunlight all that often. Her titties and butthole were under a constant barrage of slaps and thumbs, and I couldn’t believe that I had never gone hoggin before. At some point around 4 am she makes me stop so she can go get a glass of water. She takes fucking forever and then comes back up eating not one, but two hot dogs. The utter lack of shame in that room was mind blowing. She finished one and a half, and then put the remaining half on her night stand remarking “Ill keep this one for later”. I’ve never been more aroused. I jump back on the baconator but she makes me stop again, citing some bullshit about a job. I decide the only thing left to do is to stand up on her bed and blow a load all over her side, which I did receiving only mild protest.

When I saw her the next morning sobered up, I wanted to give myself a good old fashioned event horizon eye gouging. I wouldn’t say I regret it, but I can only thank Natural Ice for guiding me through my darkest hours.