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:	post by Martins at 2008-06-28 19:35:23

Oh dear lord. I don't have any (regrettable) bang stories but I do have a shitty hand job story. Possibly the shittiest beyond the fact that it's a hand job story. It also involves shitty-tasting women.

Let me start with the back story because it's weird. I went on a cruise with my family once and met this chick from Seattle. After the cruise, we communicate via AIM and the internet and she introduces me to some of her friends that way. A few years later (this past year), i find out that one of those friends is going to school in Worcester. I invite her up to Northeastern to hang out and watch a movie. We get back to my room (I was in a single which was sweet) and we put on Pan's Labyrinth (fucking sweet movie). Somehow, we end up in the gayest tickle fight ever. Eventually we start making out and she's completely naked. Meh. Not bad but definitely not good. HUGE TITS, though.

So she starts jacking me off all shitty. I can't even get hard. I'm trying to reposition myself so that maybe she jacks me off better. Doesn't work. She starts rubbing my dick on the inside of her leg (we were lying side by side, making out). Doesn't really work. She grabs my dick like one of those bomb buttons that evil villains push before wicked explosions and starts rubbing the tip of mah thang with her thumb. I CAN NOT GET HARD. I'm like okay whatever this sucks. I ask her if I can eat her out and she's like go ahead. I go down and start licking and realize that her flesh lettuce is spoiled. I say "Fuck THAT shit" and commence making out again before she can respond. In a bit, I ask her to give me head. She says she didn't even give her ex-boyfriend head. Whatever. In a bit, I asked her again. Same thing. So I get up on top of her, and start jacking off my limp-ass dick. It eventually works and jizz the least-pleasing jizz on her chest. 2 roper. It blew.

I get a paper towel, wipe off my dick, and wipe the jizz off her chest. She gets off the bed and starts putting clothes on. I take the bedsheets off and say, "I needed to clean the sheets anyway."

So, I walk her to the train station and she goes back. Really awkward and regrettable right?

Haha, that night I go to jack off and I see a red spot on my tip. What the hell? I hold off the pleasure and put it away. Next morning, it's all scabbed up and I can barely walk without feeling the pain.

Following this incident, I started dating a different girl who would only give handjobs. After a month or so of decent handjobs and two great ones (as far as handjobs go), I dump her ass when she refuses to give me head. Made her feel shitty for 2 months. Next dude, I hope she gives head to.

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